Volume 1, Issue 1
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Johnny Takes Aim

Subway

Blimpie

Lenny's

Fazoli's

Jersey Mike's

Schlotzsky's

Wall Street Deli


   
Email Pranks
By Johnny Betts

My Initial Email to Subway

Subject: GREAT idea for Subway

Hello, Johnny Betts here. I'm just writing to let you know that I have a great marketing slogan for Subway. Ever since my "John Deere incident" (long story), I've had a lot of free time on my hands to sit around and think up great ideas for businesses. My mom claims I've just been sitting on my hands and doing nothing, but she's the one who only does my laundry twice a week so what makes her think she has room to talk? Anyway, I know you'll love my idea.

You know how Subway sells chips as a side item? Well, I think it would be a great idea to have a marketing promotion where for a limited time you offered a free bag of chips with every purchase of a sub sandwich. Then you could use the following slogan:

"Our sandwiches are all that...and a bag of chips."

In the commercial I envision a pretty, smiling employee holding up a bag of chips and then winking at the camera. Maybe you could show her teeth sparkle and make a little "ding" noise for some added effect.

Not only would you increase revenue (as a result of the increase in customers), but you would also show the young folk that your hip to today's popular catchphrases. I think it'd be great for everyone. The Jared commercials were somewhat effective, but I think everybody agrees that they've run their course.

Well, that's my pitch. Let me know what you think. I can always use more money, so I'll be looking forward to the additional income. Would I be getting a lump-sum payment for my idea or a portion of the increased profits? Just let me know. Thanks!

jb



Subway Responds!

From: ask subway
To: johnny_betts@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: GREAT idea for Subway

Dear John,

Thank you for taking the time to share your ideas, but unfortunately we cannot accept them. Therefore, we are returning your original letter.

Our organization, the Subway Advertising Fund Trust (SFAFT), works with a Board of Trustees, as well as full-service national advertising and media agencies and several local advertising agencies, to develop our campaigns. Although we understand that you put a lot of time and effort into developing and sharing your concepts, it is our policy that we do not accept advertising ideas from our consumers.

As a leader in the sandwich-making industry, we want sub-lovers everywhere to know that Subway is dedicated to the concerned citizens that have helped us grow our business. Again, thank you for taking the time to express your thoughts. Your input and efforts are appreciated.

Thank You
Paula Gomez



Johnny Responds to Subway's Response!

Dear Paula,

I got your "Dear John" letter (ha ha), and I appreciate your timely response. I am saddened to hear that we won't be doing business together, but I certainly understand Subway's position. Do you have any consolation prizes, like a free sub sandwich or two for my efforts? My mother's cooking is a steady diet of salmon patties and turnip greens, so a little "escapist" food is always welcome. Thanks again for your help.

jb



UPDATE

Welp, Subway never responded to my last email, so it looks like I won't be getting a free sandwich out of this. Oh well, I gave it a shot, and that's what counts. I guess they don't have a "form letter" response to witty comebacks.

I like the part in her email where she mentions me putting a lot of time and effort into developing my concepts. Yeah, I burned the ol' midnight oil many times coming up with that idea. Not really. Oh well, maybe we'll have more luck with somebody else.

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