The Sterling Review - Game Time
By Johnny Betts
Email Johnny with all your feedback (email@example.com)
Episode: Game Time
Timeslot Ranking: 1st
Overall Ranking: 32nd
The ratings dropped 1/10th of a point, so it looks like "Mister Sterling" is staying steady. If it stays
where it's at (with a ratings bump every now and then), then it should return next season. Throw some major
promotion behind it over the summer, discuss moving it to another night, spread the news regarding my reviews,
and hey, who knows what could happen?
Review time. In this episode we discover that Bill Sterling is pretty much Superman. In fact,
the title of this episode should've been called "Sterlingville." I hope all 12 people reading this
review will enjoy.
Game Time. Mister Sterling is JOGGING! I'm sure all the female fans are happy about that. Check out
those cool red jogging pants he has on. I'm just disappointed that he didn't have shorts over the pants
like he did in the "Goonies." As Bill gets to his office he opens the door and SURPRISE everybody's working.
Bill acts as dumbfounded as Christina Aguilera at a clothing store. "You're here? They're here?" Jackie
asks if somebody told him being Senator was just a 5-day-a-week job.
So on Friday nobody told Bill, "See ya tomorrow!" Or did he hurry up and leave the office before anyone
could say, "Hey, we work weekends"? That's a good philosophy. I try to sprint out of the office to avoid
any possibility of being told to work late.
Jackie shows Bill a newspaper article that says Anthony Marino (Gov Marino's son) is running for
Senate. You know what this means, don't you? It's ... DUHN DUHN DUHN ... GAME TIME! Jackie lets
Bill know that "we're in campaign mode." Bill's only response is, "We?" Looks like he's not ready.
Bill and Jackie discuss the matter in his office. He feels he's not ready to make the decision to
run yet. He claims he doesn't even know where the bathroom is, so Jackie walks over and opens the
door to the bathroom. Um, so he hasn't had to go to the bathroom since he's been in the Senate?
Here's our first proof that Bill is Superman - he has a bladder of STEEL (let me just add that reader
Amy C. sent me this same comment - crazy minds think alike)! I originally would've written it off
as, "Oh, he's just exaggerating," but why would Jackie actually go show him where the bathroom was?
That'd be one of the first things I asked when I took the job. Every hard-working male knows that
the bathroom is your ticket for some time away from work. Shove a book in your pocket and settle in
the extra-large handicapped stall and watch the work hours whittle away. It's best to find a bathroom
on a different floor than the floor you work on; a "safe haven" if you will. People will see you
getting on the elevator and they'll just think you're off to some really big important meeting.
Little do they know.
Bill tells Jackie to check back with him in a year; right now he wants to curl up with a good book like
"CBO Analysis of Off-shore Tax Shelters." That one IS pretty good. Got it for Christmas one year.
It didn't quite have the panache of "Internal Revenue Service, Statistics of Income Division" though.
Now THAT is a book with which you can curl up while enjoying a big glass of milk and fresh homemade
chocolate chip cookies.
Oh Jackie, she doth protest. A year would be too late. Why? Because it's all about the money.
Meanwhile, Arthur the creep is talking to the Maj Leader. Arthur is in his car and is talking via a
headset. Who does this guy think he is, Garth Brooks? If he gets out of the car wearing extra tight
Rustlers with the extra orange trim then I'm out of here. Arthur maintains that the Dems need a
billionaire to run for Senate and Marino just isn't the man.
The Marinos are having their own discussion regarding the Senate race. Some woman informs them
that individual donors can only pay $4000. Gov Marino nearly has a heart attack. Good thing it
wasn't Daddy Sterling who found this out. He'd be comatose right now. Gov Marino just can't
believe that $4000 is the most an individual can contribute to the Senate campaign. Apparently
fund-raising in the Senate is a lot stricter than if you're running for Governor. For example,
Gov Marino is on his way for a round of golf. His playing partners are paying $50,000 apiece
just to play golf with this guy. WHAT?!?! Some people just have more money than they know what
to do with, don't they?
Son Marino whines a little more about how it's going to be hard to pay for the campaign. The Gov
doesn't want to hear it. Sonny boy made him put Sterling in office, so now he's gonna "take him out."
Holy cattle, what if Anthony takes those words the wrong way and tries to have a hit put out on Bill?
That would be a very interesting episode. The plot thickens when Gov Marino tells Anthony to go get
Arthur and offer whatever it takes. Could Arthur be the one hired to assassinate Mister Sterling???
He'd probably be willing to do it since Bill fired him. Man, this is getting interesting. I didn't
know they'd go with an assassination plot this early in the show, but I'll take it. It's gonna be
awesome when the bullets bounce off Sterling.
Bill and Jackie are talking a little more. Oh look, Bill has cards in his hands. They can't let
us forget that he's some great card magician. Jackie lets Bill know that he's going to need to
raise $50 to $60 million for his campaign. Bill, being the Superman genius that he is, does a
whole bunch of calculations IN HIS HEAD and figures how much they need to raise per month, per week,
and per day. The guy's obviously a savant.
Major Dad! He's talking to a decent-looking woman (her name is Sarah) about running as the Republican
candidate. Check it out, she asks, "what about Schwarzeneggar?" As many of you may know, Arnold
Schwarzeneggar is a Republican, and he has considered running for some sort of political office in CA.
Could the writers be dropping names in order to lure Arnold to make a cameo??? Can you say SWEEPS?!?!
I know you can.
How awesome would it be if Arnold showed up and got a little Terminator all over Arthur
the creep? Man, that'd rule. Heeeeeey, I've figured it out! Arthur will be plotting to kill Bill,
but Arnold will arrive just in time, and before handing Arthur a one-way ticket to Lucifer's beach
house he'll say, "You better stop raising funds and learn how to raise yourself from the dead. Tell
Senator Bailey 'hello' for me. *BLAM*"
Major Dad assures Sarah that Arnold is a team player and won't run if she does. I like how Major Dad
keeps upping the amount the campaign will cost. First it was $70 million, $80 million tops. Then it
was $90 million tops. But she has no problem with that. Major Dad explains that a 3-way race in CA
is a Rep dream, all Sarah has to do is show up. He doesn't want to sound like a used car salesman, but
he's gonna need an answer soon. As he starts telling her to discuss it with her husband she cuts him
off and says she's in. Major dad wants to hug her. For some reason, I do too.
Jackie shoves some "Sterling for Senate Committee" papers in Bill's face and tells him to sign them.
Thankfully he stands his ground and says no, he's not ready. Tommy waltzes in with a briefing on a
Farm Orders bill. For some reason, Sterling tells Tommy to tell him how to vote rather than burying
him in bills. Whoa, that's not being Mr. Independent! How independent is it to actually tell someone
to tell you how to think??? Come on Bill, don't you think you should make your own decisions on things
like that? "Mr. Senator, why did you vote on this bill that makes it legal for authorities to swarm
people's houses and confiscate their SUVs?" "Um, well, that's what Tommy told me to do. I didn't
really read the bill." I'm thinking that wouldn't go over too well. "I'm a TRUE independent! Now
tell me what to think." Bill, Bill, Bill.
Turns out Bill doesn't have a vote. The legislation has already passed, but Gov Marino hasn't
decided whether or not to sign the bill. Bill actually asks, "Who cares what I think about
state laws?" What? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE YOU REPRESENT!
He should at least act concerned about state law. I'd be pretty scared if I heard one of my
Senators say, "You know, I don't give a piece of white bird crap for Tennessee state law. In fact,
I try to circumvent it whenever I can."
So let's see, the growers are opposed to the farm bill because they can't afford the increased
labor costs. Tommy starts throwing around acronyms like "UFW," but Bill doesn't need an
explanation because he knows it stands for "United Farm Workers." Oh, I thought it was some sort
of Farmers Wrestling Federation. Turns out Bill learned a thing or two by witnessing his dad's
run-ins with Caesar Chavez. His dad may have supported Chavez publicly, but his phone calls told
a different story.
Jackie mentions how the UFW is going to be marching from Modesto to Sacramento to demand a signature.
Jackie thinks they should do something noncommittal, but Bill insists that they go to the march.
Riiiiight. Jackie says there are a number of reasons why they can't. When Bill asks for the first
one, Tommy explains that Senate is in session tomorrow. Bill says they'll catch a 1:00 or 2:00 flight,
land by 4:00, stretch their legs for a couple of miles, and then catch a redeye and be back at their
desks by 9:00 AM.
I doubt it's that easy. A flight from Washington D.C. to California in 2 to 3 hours? I'm
somewhat skeptical. Oh, and just so people will know that I'm thorough in my reviews, let
me just point out that Bill thought it was cool when he found out they have an office in
San Francisco. Thank you.
Bill doesn't need Tommy to come along because he has his briefing and will be an "expert"
on the whole deal by the time they get there. Man, I guess he really is Superman. He's
gonna absorb the entire ins and outs of the briefing within just a few hours. We shall
call him Supersen.
Bill hops on the elevator and tells Jackie to pick him up at the hotel. He's heading to
change clothes, and I'm sure ol' Jackie will try to get there "early" if you know what
I'm saying. As the elevator door closes, Jackie makes mention to Tommy about how Senators
"don't do marches." Tommy replies with, "Well apparently this one does." Of course he
does! He's Supersen! Why doesn't he just fly to CA on his own?? You know, without the use
of the plane!
Bill and Jackie board the plane. Jackie can't really explain to him why Senators "don't
do marches" because it's like explaining to a 4-year-old why the sky is blue. In other words,
Jackie doesn't know what she's talking about.
Looks like Bill is sitting in first class while Jackie is sitting in the 1st row of coach,
and she turns down Bill's offer to switch seats. Supersen Bill sees a woman with a crying
baby. Oh no, I think Bill's goodness is about to be crammed down our throat. Yep, he gives
the woman his seat and holds the baby while she gets her things. The worst is when all of
coach gives him a round of applause.
All right, you know, it's fine that he gave up his seat. I mean, I'd have done the same
thing. Maybe. Depending on what food was being served. And how cute the chick is I'd be
giving the seat up to. But that's beside the point. Having EVERYBODY in coach applaud was
a bit much. And I feel sorry for the people in first class who now have to deal with a crying
baby for the entire trip. But Jackie comments that he's in campaign mode now. She figures
that half of the plane is comprised of Californians, so 100 CA voters just fell in love with him.
Not necessarily. How does she know they're all registered to vote?
Jackie seems to think each of those people will tell 20 people about what happened, then
they'll tell another 20 people, and so on and so forth. I'm sorry, but that's a bunch of
bunk. It's not like everybody on that plane actually knew who Bill was. I don't think
anybody announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, that was Senator Bill Sterling that gave up his
seat. Now give it up for HIM! Ra-ra-ra-ra-raise da roof!" If the passengers said anything
it'd be more along the lines of, "Some chiseled-jaw guy that looks like Wild Bill Hickok from
'The Young Riders' gave up his seat in first class to a woman with a baby. Must be campaigning
for political office."
And are they really eager to jump off the plane and go tell 20 people about what they saw?
I certainly know there aren't 20 people I'd bore with a "some dude in 1st class gave up his
seat" story. Besides, you'd hope voters wouldn't be so shallow to vote for a guy just
because he gave up his seat on a plane.
Bill mentions that he didn't get any applause from first class, and so Jackie gets all stereotypical
and says, "Forget about them, they're gonna vote Republican no matter what you do." You know,
you'd think a young black woman such as Jackie would be repulsed by such stereotypes, but
alas, tis not the case. Somewhere, as Jackie made her comment, Ted Kennedy laid his oversized
head on an eider down pillow in an oversized mansion.
Arthur is at a coffee house and creepily orders some sort of grande cappuccino. The cashier
gets all whiny and says they don't have "grande." All they have is small, medium, and large.
Arthur is there to meet Mr. Clooney. Turns out that the jerk behind the counter is Mr. Clooney.
The cashier called in sick, so George Clooney's filling in. Clooney apologizes to Arthur for
the whole "grande" thing.
So let me get this straight, it would've been all right to rant on just a normal, every day
customer, but when he finds out he just acted like that to the Senate's biggest fundraiser he
apologizes all over the place? Jerk.
On the plane Bill and Jackie are having a discussion about the price of lettuce. She doesn't
cook, so she's not aware of how much it costs. Bill asks who'll notice if the price goes up
by 2 cents. Jackie informs him that people who buy lettuce will definitely notice. I'm not
exactly sure what this conversation has to do with anything. Does it relate to the farm bill
in some way? Does Bill want to raise the price of lettuce? Do I even care?
Whoa, check it out, we get to see Peon at his apartment/house/whatever it is. And folks,
it's not a pretty sight. Peon was supposed to cook tonight. He forgot that Kevin had
switched nights with him. Kevin and the non-Laura female roommate leave. Uh-oh, Peon
and Laura are alone now. This should be cute. Peon immediately starts whining like a baby,
and believe me, it's annoying. He cries about how Kevin shouldn't have switched nights with
him. Why, Kevin is merely a receptionist for a Representative that no one has heard of! But
Peon, oh Peon, he's the Director of Data Management for a Senator! Woo. Hahaha, I love how
Laura puts him in his place and says he invented that title. BOOYA! FACE!
Peon cries about how hectic this week has been. It's the first week under a new Senator,
and reporters are already attacking him. Peon then whines about how HE didn't want Kevin
to move into the house in the first place. HE was right and Laura was wrong. Sheeeesh,
how old is Peon? He's acting like a 10-year-old spoiled LITTLE BRAT! Not to mention he's
got the body of a 10-year-old spoiled little brat. HEY PEON! SHUT YOUR LITTLE 98-POUND
MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Peon claims Kevin shouldn't have switched
dinner nights with him "at a time like this."
Sigh. Did Kevin put a gun to your head and FORCE you to switch? No Peon, it sounds
like you AGREED to it, so WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT YOUR CRYING MOUTH AND ACCEPT
RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody better
slap Peon before this series is over or I'm gonna be mad. This guy cries more than Tom Cruise
finding out that the local shoe store is all out of his favorite lifts.
Since Peon is working on a Sunday, Laura wonders if they're in campaign mode. Peon
cries some more and says he's not talking to her anymore. Laura echoes my sentiments
by asking if he's in Junior High. Actually, I think he's in elementary school. Peon
clarifies that he's not talking about his JOB with her anymore. Laura rightly says HE
is the one who brought it up. The rest of the conversation pretty much goes like this:
Peon: Did not.
Laura: Did too.
Peon: Did not.
Laura: Did too.
Peon: Did not times infinity!
Peon then reiterates that they're never talking about his job again. Laura asks if he does
anything else they can talk about. Hahahaha, NOPE! Peon is a LOSER and a CRYBABY! I kind
of felt sorry for him in the first couple of episodes when he was trying so hard to make
people think he was important, but now he's shown himself to be a big baby and all I want is
for him to be slapped. If I had a roommate like Peon then it'd last about one day if he
acted like that. I'd say, "You know what, I outweigh you by about 100 pounds. If you don't
SHUT UP then I will either give you an arm bar that'll snap that twig you call an arm, or I'll
wave a big gust of air your way that'll knock you down HARD to the ground. Either way, I
WILL NOT listen to this whining. So SHUT UP or suffer the consequences. I don't want to do
it, but I will. No, that wouldn't be fair. I'll have my 15-year-old sister beat you up
Bill and Jackie safely land at the airport and hop aboard their SUV shuttle. They start
talking about the farm bill. They get technical, and boy do I not feel like taking notes
and discussing all the details. So you know what? I'm not going to. It's not like I'm
getting paid to write these reviews, therefore, if I don't want to write down every single
thing uttered on the show then I won't.
The gist of it is Jackie told Bill if he's just gonna ask himself what his father would do
and then do the opposite of it, then that'll make her job easier because she won't have to
give him any advice. And wouldn't that also make Bill a Republican? Think about it. Jackie
tells Bill that if he wants to help the workers then he needs to concentrate on being a great
politician. Nah, I'd say he needs to worry about being a great PERSON first.
Back at the coffee shop, Clooney tells Arthur that his coffee shop is #2 in CA and #3 in the
U.S. and Canada. He claims he's never gonna be #1. Quitter. And this is the guy Arthur is trying
to get to run for Senate? Why IS he asking this guy to run for Senate? Just because he's rich?
Has he done anything besides run a coffee house? Yeah, that's a legitimate qualification.
Clooney brags about inventing the drive-thru window for a coffee shop. Ingenious. Now I know
why they're going after this guy! Who would've ever thought of something that mind-numbingly
innovative?!?!?! A drive-thru window at a coffee shop, now that just oozes brilliance. Aw man,
sarcasm has just oozed on my shirt again. Let me clean this off.
Clooney has a daughter who is a sophomore at Stanford. I don't think I could care any less
no matter how hard I tried. Clooney's willing to look into running because he doesn't think
he can go any further in the coffee business. No, not with that defeatist attitude you can't.
Meanwhile, I'm considering running to the bathroom because every time I see Arthur I get a little
Great, let's switch back to Peon's apartment/house/whatever and see what he's gonna cry about
now. Laura gets a call from Major Dad, so what does Peon do? Follows her around from room to
room trying to listen in on the conversation! This guy has some nerve. He even bursts into
her bedroom. I'm telling you, this guy has "psycho stalker" stamped on his forehead. Laura
tells Major Dad she'll see him tomorrow and hangs up.
She then calls Peon unprofessional. Rightly so! Peon starts freaking out. "See you
tomorrow?" he asks. Of course she'll see him tomorrow, she sees Major Dad every day.
Peon then acts incredulous about the fact that Major Dad even has her home phone number.
Laura makes a comment about how she could kill Peon in his sleep. She wouldn't have to
wait until he was asleep. I'm pretty sure she could take him pretty handily while he was
awake. All she'd have to do is punch him in his emaciated chest and it'd immediately cave
in faster than Michael Jackson's nose after another botched plastic surgery. Actually, the wind
from Laura's fist would cave Peon's "chest" in before she even landed the punch.
Peon accuses Major Dad of trying to plant dirt on Bill. Laura denies it and then finally
says there's a new rule in the house - they never talk about HER job. YEAH! Up yours, Peon.
Yeehaw. The march. A lot of Mexicans are marching, they're playing a lot of Mexican music, and a
lot of stuff is being said in Spanish. You'll have to forgive me if this scene doesn't excite me too much.
Bill and Jackie arrive and go find some woman named Gloria. Bill asks if he can get an obligatory march
in. When Gloria says she thought Senators didn't do marches, Bill says he hasn't read the rulebook
The press is there, and some woman reporter asks Bill if this march is for the conscience of one man.
Bill doesn't want to tell the Gov how to do his job, but if HE was Gov, then he'd vote for the bill.
He then mentions how this bill is just an updated version of the Farm Labor Act of 1975 and then drops
Caesar Chavez' name. Wow, IS THERE ANYTHING MISTER STERLING DOESN'T KNOW?!?!?!
After the march they have a small little party. Gloria mentions that she's worked for Daddy Sterling
before, but she says Bill is nothing like him. Bill's about to leave, but Gloria forces him to make
a speech. Great. Get ready to cue the sappy music.
Bill starts off saying "Viva Gloria" and "Viva Caesar Chavez." Great, Bill, why don't you go for
that cheap pop? Oh, you just did? All right, never mind then. Bill starts to talk about how what
he has seen today is a celebration of the people's right to petition the government. At this point
what do you think starts playing? That's right, SAPPY BACKGROUND MUSIC! Sigh.
So what else does Bill say? Well, this was a march for the American dream, for a better life, BLAH
BLAH BLAH, they aren't asking for a handout just fair pay for a hard day's work, etc, etc. One thing
you can say about Bill is that he's really starting to sound like a politician. During Bill's speech
they show a bunch of people in the crowd nodding their heads. I guess that's supposed to be a
touching moment or something. It's not. Once again, they neglected to show an American flag slowly
waving in the background. I'm also surprised they didn't show a single tear trickle down the cheek of
one of the workers.
Bill really wishes he could keep marching with them, but he has to go now. He must return to his people
on Krypton. But he urges them to keep marching. They will "get there," Bill knows they will. He then
continually says some Spanish phrase that sounds like "Caesar Puede." Actually, According to Stephanie
he's saying, "Sí su puede," which means "yes you can." Mystery solved. He's bilingual too. Was Superman
bilingual?? Could it be possible that Sterling is even MORE powerful than Superman?!?!?!
Marino and son are watching a news clip of Sterling at the march. The Gov is mad, but Anthony says
it's just local Sacramento TV. Stick your head out the window and yell and more people will hear
you. Come on Gov, try it! He says the thing they have to worry about is the editorials in tomorrow's
paper. The Gov has an idea though! Anthony can side with the growers, and there's $10 million towards
Jackie reads an article in the paper about Sarah Burwell being the Republican candidate for Senator.
Peon brings lunch in. In a desperate attempt to act like he has a big scoop he says he knows who
leaked the Burwell story. Jackie already knows it was Major Dad. Supposedly he left just enough
clues so people would know he was the one who leaked the story. Good, Peon failed to gain an edge.
I am now officially rooting against Peon. If he wants to get back on my good side then he's gonna
have to punch Arthur or Gov Marino or something. Maybe he can pull a Gregg Rainwater and shoot some
arrows in somebody's tires.
In all honesty, I'm sure David Norona is a nice guy (hey, you never know who might be reading these
silly reviews!). So Mr. Norona, if you're out there somewhere, I officially invite you to send a
response in defense of Peon. Or you can execute a roundhouse kick to the side of Arthur and I'll
give you your due praise.
In fact, if ANY actors from the show stumble across the review then feel free to send me an email
and make fun of me. I need my ego knocked down a notch or two every now and then. Folks, you'd
be amazed at how quickly my opinion could change regarding a character if I was to actually hear
from the actor playing a particular character. If in the next review I'm talking about how
beautiful Jackie is and how she needs more screen time, well, you can assume she probably contacted
me and told me she'd like to send me some cool stuff from the "Mister Sterling" set. And if I start
talking about how I can barely tell the difference between Peon and Vin Diesel, well...
Did anybody see the E! segment the other night where they were live on the set of "Mister Sterling"?
David, Audra, William Russ, and Josh were all there. They all seemed pretty cool and laid back and
looked like they got along pretty well. One of the funniest parts of the segment was when the E!
dude said Josh had come a long way since starring in everybody's favorite children's movie and waited
for somebody to answer what it was. Audra (Jackie Brock) jokingly yelled out "Gremlins!" which gave
Josh a good laugh. Josh then joked that
Jackie takes Bill his lunch. Bill's curled up on the couch. Seems he didn't get any sleep on
the plane. I know the feeling. I think the majority of my sleep during my college years came
in class. I majored in electrical engineering, and believe me when I say that was a recipe for
many late nights. I always welcomed the warm, cozy confines of a desk and boring professor.
Bill has an upcoming Appropriations meeting. Jackie mentions that the chairman recently had heart
trouble and just got out of the hospital. Bill wonders if they should send flowers, but Jackie says
no, he needs to ignore it and not mention it. She then talks about how some dude named Dave Crandall
is next in line for chairman and has been waiting for Chairman Morris to die for a long time. Goodness.
Bill echoes my sentiments when he says, "This is a nice business you're in." Are there ANY nice
people in this business?!?! I've got to be honest. Watching this show has definitely made me
realize I don't ever want to run for political office.
*all 12 readers express a sigh of sadness*
Jackie feels that since she shelled out about $3 for Bill's lunch then he should return the favor
by signing the election papers and committing himself to running for Senate. Yeah, I'm sure that's
a fair trade. "Tuna sandwich for your livelihood?" Jackie stresses the importance of people knowing
Bill's not a dead duck. They need to see him doing SOMETHING in regard to campaigning. Bill just
ignores her. You go Bill! Stick it to Jackie!
Bill gets up to go to his meeting. Jackie says if he wants to be an effective Senator then he needs
to sign the papers NOW! Bill stares her down and leaves. BOOYA! I say, I say, BOOOOOOOYA!
We see Arthur wearing his gay little Garth Brooks headset. He's discussing the Clooney candidate
with the Maj Leader. Apparently this kook gave $300 million to the rain forest last year. FREAK!
$300 million?!?!?! Ever heard of cancer research??? Ever heard of pediatric AIDS??? Sorry, but
our sick and disabled children need $300 million more than the stupid rain forest.
A cop pulls Arthur over. I was hoping it was gonna be some mean cop who was gonna use some
billy club action on Arthur, but alas, Anthony Marino had arranged the whole thing. Anthony
wants Arthur to move to California and work on his campaign. Here's the offer he makes
Arthur: all expenses paid, $1 million a year salary, $2 million for the campaign. Man.
Arthur is tempted, but he tells Anthony he's gonna lose. Anthony, however, seems to think he'll
crush any billionaire thrown at him. Arthur makes a negative comment about "trampling the rights"
of the farm workers before he speeds off. I may be mistaken, but as Arthur drove off I thought
I could hear him singing "Friends in Low Places."
Major Dad talks to Bill and really builds up his self-esteem. Major Dad acts like the Reps
can do better than Sarah Burwell. She's in cosmetics, so what does she know about politics?
Bill says probably more than him, but Major Dad disagrees. MD saw the way Bill "jammed" the
Marinos. He tells Bill that running against Anthony Marino is like running against a mirage,
there's nothing there. What Bill needs to do is run against his father, make Anthony accountable
for everything his dad does. When Major Dad asks Bill if he's right, Bill says he couldn't
have figured that out if he had all day. MD says that just shows Bill's a natural. I like
when MD asks Bill if he thinks Babe Ruth spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to hit
homeruns, or did he just go out there and hit 'em. MD tells Bill he was born to this, and
then he goes and tells a couple of friends that he's gotta keep Bill's spirits high. They
need him to run so they'll have a better chance of winning the Senate. I like Major Dad and
his homespun catchphrases!
Laura chases Bill down the hall asking a whole bunch of questions about whether or not he's
gonna campaign. He ignores her and just keeps on walking. Hmmm, maybe Senator Thunderhawk
gave him a little peyote and he's starting to experience that auditory side effect?
Peon goes into Bill's office. Bill's sitting there in the dark reading letters. He was
so wrapped up in what he was doing that he didn't turn the light on when it got dark. Peon
claims he does the same thing, but Bill sees through his lies and says, "No you don't."
Hahaha, you go Bill! Show Peon that you can't be snowed!
Bill's amazed at the amount of letters he gets. Everybody wants an answer to something,
and they want it NOW! He doesn't have the answers, and he doesn't know if he ever well.
Peon says he will, and while Bill wants to believe that, he's just not sure. This job is
turning out to be a lot harder than he thought. Welcome to the real world, Bill, it's one
kick in the butt after another.
Peon asks if he's scared, but Bill refuses to answer. Good. We see that Bill is a little
vulnerable, but he doesn't want anybody to know. He doesn't want to show his vulnerability,
and I'm glad about that. He simply tells Peon, "Don't tell anyone." This is so much better
than him "getting in touch with his feelings" and discussing it with everybody or something
gay like that.
We see that a brash Ex-Marine named Bob Brennan is going to fight for the Rep nomination
for Senate. Major Dad is not happy about this development.
Arthur is at Clooney's house. He sees Brennan's announcement and claims he'll tear down
the rain forest and drill for oil. Riiiiiiiight. One man can really do that. Sure thing,
Arthur, if you say so. And let me guess, you're probably gonna tell me that the car engine
is the most dangerous threat to our environment and SUVs are putting money in the hands of
terrorists, right? Sell it someplace else, because this Southern boy ain't in the market
to purchase it.
Anyway, Arthur tells Clooney that there will be talks of Anthony Marino running, but he'll
eventually have to bow out. Clooney wants to talk to his daughter first, and if she's all
right with it then he'll run. Arthur picks up his cell phone and says they can call her now.
He then acts like it was a joke, but I'm pretty sure he was serious. I'm also pretty sure
that he has a serious case of needs-to-be-slapped-in-the-brain-itis.
Arthur talks about how Clooney's finances and personal life will come out in the open. He
mentions Clooney's divorce agreement, but it turns out that no lawyers were involved.
Clooney hates lawyers, so he just gave his wife $100 million and has given her more since
then. After all, she's his best friend. I bet. Lose your fortune and see how friendly she
is with you then. She'll be as cold as Martha Stewart in an Arctic snowstorm. Arthur asks
if he can be Clooney's new best friend. Yep, it's all about the money with these folks.
Anthony is concerned about a growers fundraiser his dad's going to. Supposedly the Gov is
gonna veto the Farmer's bill and THEN go to the fundraiser, but he says he can just veto
the bill AFTER the fundraiser. Anthony doesn't think it's such a great idea to give them
what they want AFTER getting their money. He wants the fundraiser cancelled.
The Gov thinks Anthony is letting Sterling get to him too much, but Anthony says that he'll
get killed in the Dem primary if he's an enemy of the farm workers. If the Gov signs the
Farmer's bill then they're dead with the growers but so is Bill. This way the Marinos can
steal the support of the farmers from Bill and leave him with nothing. Ah, how inspiring.
Good to see they're really doing something out of the kindness of their hearts. I'm telling
you folks, this is the kind of heart-warming story that makes me want to put on a suit and
tie and watch Leave it to Beaver reruns.
Bill, Jackie, and Tommy are having a little meeting. Jackie and Bill want to discuss the
Sterling agenda. What kind of Senator does he want to be? How does he plan on making the
world a better place? Bill says he's a Senator, not Miss America. Actually, you're Superman!
Bill tries to show Jackie and Tommy another card trick, but he messes it up. AHA! He does
have a flaw! I've discovered his weakness! CARD TRICKS ARE HIS KRYPTONITE!!!!!! Just you watch,
in future Senate meetings Bill will be close to making a valid argument when somebody will put out
a deck of cards and ask him to do a trick. It'll be all over at that point.
Bill wants to try it again, but Jackie says they don't have time for this. Bill starts laying
some smack down and says HE doesn't have time. They're trying to force him to run for Senator before
he knows what kind of Senator he wants to be. Is there some great role model there for him to
emulate? If so, then he hasn't seen a single one. They act like Bill is one big decision and
answering machine. They're always pulling him and pushing him in different directions, so when
does he have time to figure out what kind of Senator he wants to be? Go Bill! He then tells
Jackie and Tommy that they just don't know what it's like to take that oath, to take on that
responsibility. BOOYA! FACE!
Tommy doesn't seem too happy. He says they'll talk about it another time and leaves. Waaaah,
what's the matter, Tommy? Getting a little too hot there in the kitchen for ya? Still haven't
gotten over the cancellation of "Boy Meets World"??? Then Jackie tells Bill they take the same
oath he does. Oh. Whoops.
Major Dad meets with Bull Brennan. Basically, MD wants to talk him out of running for Senate
because he promised Sarah Burwell smooth sailing. He wants to know what it'll take to get him
to drop out, but Brennan seems intent on running. He feels that he has a chance to win in a 3-way
Gov Marino lies like a Tiger Woods drive and tells Gloria that he's gonna sign the bill and was
always going to sign it. However, the growers will try to kill them in the election, so he's
going to need some help. Great, I think we all know what's about to happen.
Gloria calls Bill to thank him. Yep. In exchange for signing the bill the farmers had to
agree to support Marino in the election. JERKS! So Bill goes and marches with them, brings
attention to their cause, and THIS is how they thank him? Bill is nonchalant about it, and
I don't understand why. I agree with Jackie's anger over the whole thing. She wants to do
something about it. YEAH! Now you're talking! Come on Bill, time to turn into Wild Bill
and pull out the six-shooters! Walk into Marino's office and take a little target practice!
Go up to Marino and say something like, "You know how hard it is to remove an ivory-handled
six-shooter from the south end of a north-facing Governor? Let's just say it'd be easier to
extract an intelligent sentence from Anna Nicole Smith." Now THAT would be awesome. That's
what Bill needs to start doing. Josh is great at adding a little intense craziness to many
of his characters, so I hope he'll soon be allowed to do that with Bill.
Jackie wishes she had an opponent to run against Anthony Marino. Hmm, I wonder what she's
insinuating here? Bill apologizes for going off on her earlier. He usually only yells at
family. Jackie asks if he or his dad apologized to each other. Nope. Well she wants to
do it like that. She wants to argue family style - no apologies. As they're leaving, Bill
asks where that "thing" is that she wanted him to sign. He signs it but explains this doesn't
mean he's running. It just means he's keeping his options open. He's trying to be effective.
And nothing says "effective" like putting your name on a piece of paper. The end.
I enjoyed the episode. However, I want to see Sterling get a little more cocky. He needs to
pull some more tricks like he did in the first episode when he took the Maj Leader's seat on
the Finance Committee. Let's make Mister Sterling more on edge and less nonchalant. Come on,
Bill, SHOW SOME ANGER! The show's still in good shape though.
Still no word from Josh or Chandra, but it's all a matter of time. In fact, Josh is probably
working on his email to me right now.
Up next is "Technical Corrections." In this episode Bill finds out that HE is responsible for
his expensive hotel suite, and there is a debate on taxes.
In the immortal words of Thomas Jefferson, "To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the
propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical."
I'm Johnny Betts, this is just my opinion, you could be wrong.