Email Pranks
By Johnny Betts
My Initial Email to Lenny's
Subject: GREAT idea for Lenny's Sub Shop
Hello, Johnny Betts here. I'm just writing to let you know that I have
a great marketing slogan for Lenny's Sub Shop. Ever since my "John
Deere incident" (long story), I've had a lot of free time on my hands to
sit around and think up great ideas for businesses. My mom claims I've
just been sitting on my hands and doing nothing, but she's the one who
only does my laundry twice a week so what makes her think she has room
to talk? Anyway, I know you'll love my idea.
I think it would be a great idea to have a marketing promotion where for
a limited time you offered a free bag of chips with every purchase of a
sub sandwich. Then you could use the following slogan:
"Our sandwiches are all that...and a bag of chips."
In the commercial I envision a pretty, smiling employee holding up a bag
of chips and then winking at the camera. Maybe you could show her teeth
sparkle and make a little "ding" noise for some added effect.
Not only would you increase revenue (as a result of the increase in
customers), but you would also show the young folk that you're hip to
today's popular catchphrases. I think it'd be great for everyone.
I don't see too many Lenny's commercials, and this would be a great way
to be competitive in that market. Subway has the "Jared commercials",
and while they've been somewhat effective, I think everybody agrees that
they've run their course and the time is ripe for something new to come
along.
Well, that's my pitch. Let me know what you think. I can always use
more money, so I'll be looking forward to the additional income. Would
I be getting a lump-sum payment for my idea or a portion of the
increased profits? Just let me know. At the very least I'd take a free
sub sandwich or two. Thanks!
jb
Lenny's Responds!
From: Kate Wingo
To: johnny_betts@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: GREAT idea for Lenny's Sub shop
Hello, Johnny! Kate Wingo here! Thanks for sending the idea. . .I think that
it is a great one! We are not quite at the point where we are producing
television commercials, but hopefully we will be moving that way soon! I think
that your idea is wonderful and fresh, and I greatly appreciate you thinking of
Lenny's!
If we get a big, television, commercial campaign going, I will definitely
contact you!
Thanks!
Johnny Responds to Lenny's Response!
Kate,
Johnny Betts again. Thanks for the non-form letter (and enthusiastic!) response.
Lenny's has good sandwiches, and I especially respect local businesses that do well
for themselves.
Let me know if you ever want to tap the vein of the idea bank I've convinced myself
is in my head.
jb
Lenny's Responds for an Unprecedented SECOND Time!
I will certainly contact you!
Thanks, again for the great idea!
Keep eating Lenny's & ENJOY!!!!!
Sincerely,
Kate Wingo
ANALYSIS
Yeah buddy, I'm SO in! All I have to do is wait until Lenny's has a big television
contract and then it's retirement city for me. I'll go so far as to say that my email
correspondence with Lenny's pretty much serves as a written contract. I'm not on the
payroll yet, but that's just a minor detail that will be worked out soon.
Be patient, my fans, Johnny Betts will soon be taking a big ol' bite of that sub
sandwich called "success". And yes, it'll come with chips.
Johnny Sends Another Idea to Lenny's!
Subject: Another GREAT idea for Lenny's
Kate,
Hello there, Johnny Betts here again with yet another great advertising
idea for Lenny's. I'm still recovering from the "John Deere Incident"
and thus still have lots of time to come up with great advertising ideas
for folks like you.
I know you're still waiting to jumpstart the big television campaign, but here's
an idea to place on ice until you're rarin' to go.
Wraps seem to be the trendy food item of the day. Chick-Fil-A has 'em,
Taco Bell has 'em, KFC has 'em, etc. Whenever I turn the on the TV
some fast food chain has come up with their own wrap. I could be
mistaken, but I think I saw McDonald's advertising a new "Chicken Parts
Wrap" the other day.
At any rate, I think it would be perfect timing for Lenny's to jump in with it's
own version of the Wrap. You can add whatever ingredients you want to it, but the
future commercial for it is gonna be the big seller.
My proposal is this: Once you get a TV campaign going you need to hire a
big director like Ron Howard or Steven Spielberg to appear on your commercial.
Have the camera focus on him eating a Lenny's Wrap. He'll take a big bite and
then an expression of joy will cover his face. He'll then pick up his director's
megaphone and yell, "Now THAT'S a wrap!"
If Spielberg or Howard aren't available, then I'm sure there are a couple of
local theatre directors who'd be willing to help for a free sandwich or two.
Well, that's my next pitch. I hope that in the near future it'll be instrumental
in catapulting Lenny's to the national spotlight. Be sure and let me know when
you're ready to use it, I don't want to miss this train because it's got only one
stop - Success City.
jb
Unbelievable. Lenny's Responds a THIRD Time!
Your ideas are incredible!
Your latest is a winner!
Whenever we get ready to take the big advertising plunge (when we have a mega
budget with a zillion shops open), I will DEFINITELY give you a call!
Thanks for passing another wonderful idea our way!
Take Care and stay away from John Deere machinery!
Sincerely,
Kate Wingo
Director of Marketing
Johnny sends Baker's Dozen's Idea to Lenny's
Kate,
I might have to get back to work soon (my employer is starting to get suspicious
about my John Deere injuries), but I do have one more idea to share with you before
my time starts to get occupied with other activities.
My friend (he goes by "Baker's Dozen") was telling me how the last time
he was at Lenny's he came to the conclusion that your bread is a big
part of what makes the sandwiches so much better than Subway's and
other sub shops. He wanted to help me in my "Lenny's Commercial
Campaign", so he wanted me to pass on this commercial idea that would
help you capitalize on the strength of your good bread.
The advertisement would start out with a wide view of a Lenny's at
lunchtime, with a line of customers placing their orders. It would then
switch over to a similar angle view of Subway or any generic sub shop
(the competitor). Switching back to Lennys, the camera would zoom in to
show the shapely buttocks of the customers in line - maybe you could
hire Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Josh Brolin, etc. - all wearing
real tight clothes of course.
Then the shot would go to a zoom-in of the Subway line and reveal some
enormous flabby derierres - maybe some fat old lady with sweatpants that
reveal some telling fat dimples. Then you see a close-up of a fresh
Lenny's sub, fluffy bread and all, held by a smiling model in that
classic 50's "backside to the camera, torso twisted around and looking
back" pose. After you get a nice look at her she says, "Lenny's. Our
buns are better." Then she winks. End of commercial.
I think it'd be cute. I don't know if you could afford to hire the people I
mentioned (maybe not at first), so if that's the case then I'd be willing to help
out. I have a new pair of black 501s that I could wear for the commercial. It'd
be fun.
Let me know what you think, I hope it's another one you can file away until the
time is right. Until next time...
jb
ANALYSIS
I'm patiently waiting for Lenny's to call to let me know that they have a contract
for me to sign. I'd like to urge everybody to write to your city and demand that
they get a Lenny's! Lenny's needs to expand! Expansion means more revenue, more
revenue means money for an ad campaign, and an ad campaign means CHA-CHING for Johnny.
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