Volume 1, Issue 1
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What's wrong with this world?

What's Wrong With Drivers?

Fast Food Workers

People at Airports

Elevator Impatience

What's Wrong With Parents?

Truck Beds Aren't for Trash

Zen Gardens?

Checkout Lines

10 Items or Less

Bookstore Employees

Celebrity Cookware

Get a Job

Garage Sale Deals


   
What's Wrong With Bookstore Employees?
By Johnny Betts

Employees should be on their best behavior in front of customers. Sadly, that's not always how it is. Let me take you back to my college days. One day I had to head over to the university bookstore. I was going to sell back the BRAND NEW book that I had bought just a few weeks ago for the summer semester. Yes, I shelled out a mere $60 for that BRAND NEW book, and lo and behold, I never used it. Most of the class was taught from articles the professor gave us. I didn't even use the book for the Final Exam, which was an essay.

At any rate, I skipped merrily up to the buyback section where a 300-pound gorilla of a woman greeted me with a smile. "Is this where you buy back books?" I inquired with a gleeful smile. "Yes," was the friendly reply. So I happily handed my book over to her and asked, "How much will ya give me for this one?" I asked with the full expectancy of taking home at least a few bucks for my troubles. This is where things took a turn for the worse.

The girl punched in the numbers and whatever it is those bookstore workers do, and then she shook her head as she looked at the register. "They're using a new edition next semester, so we're not buying this book back," she tells me. "It has no value." No value? NO VALUE?? I think to myself that it apparently had $60 worth of value just a few weeks ago. "But this book was BRAND NEW, and I never even used the thing!" I said. "I know, but they're using a new edition," was her unsympathetic response. So I just stood there and stared for a few seconds thinking to myself, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?" I then gently shook my head and turned away.

Now I was ready to just walk away and put this incident behind me, but the cashier had to take it one step too far. "Guess you should've used it," she snickered. She actually snickered at Johnny Betts' predicament.

Now this is where the lines of reality become a little blurred. I was then hit with the rage of Tom Cruise after he was denied access to a 48-inches and taller roller coaster. I snapped; the heel turn was complete. I walked right back to the counter, put the gorilla woman in a bear hug, and then did a nice belly-to-belly suplex over the counter. One of her coworkers came over to see what was going on, but he was met with a sidewalk slam modified into a powerbomb.

Then, as you would only see on an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger, worker after worker came at me one at a time, and each was met with a kick to the midsection and a Stunner.

Within five minutes every worker in the joint was out cold on the ground. Then I heard the sound of glass break and Stone Cold's theme music started playing. All the students there were jumping up and down and cheering me. That's when I realized I wasn't a bad guy after all. That's when I realized that these people were now vicariously living through me. I had just done the thing that inhabited their dreams on a daily basis. I had spoken for the people, and I've been doing it ever since.

Copyright 2002 Madlib Productions, All Rights Reserved

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