Volume 1, Issue 1
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Johnny Takes Aim





Jersey Mike's


Wall Street Deli

Email Pranks
By Johnny Betts

An Even More Ambitious Idea for Fazoli's

My initial email to Fazoli's:

Subject: GREAT idea for Fazoli's

Hello, Johnny Betts here. I'm just writing to let you know that I have a great marketing idea for Fazoli's. Ever since my "John Deere incident" (long story), I've had a lot of free time on my hands to sit around and think up great ideas for businesses. My mom claims I've just been sitting on my hands and doing nothing, but she's the one who only does my laundry twice a week so what makes her think she has room to talk? Anyway, I know you'll love my idea.

The Submarino is simply the best sub sandwich on the market. Why not have Dan Marino be the official Fazoli's spokesman? Why is he the perfect choice for a spokesman, you might ask? Excellent question, and thankfully I have the answer.

1) He's not scared to do commercials (Isotoner anyone?).
2) He's Italian and most likely would love a good Italian sub.
3) He's loved by millions of people across the globe.
4) His last name is Marino.

I envision Dan and some of his friends sitting around, playing poker, when his old wide receiver Mark Duper says, "Man, I sure am hungry." Dan would then say something like, "I've got just the cure for you Mark, go long!"

Mark would then run some play and Marino would throw a Submarino to him. Mark would open his mouth and the Submarino would go in. Dan would then say, "Hey Mark, what do you think of Fazoli's Submarino?" To which Mark would reply, "Dan, I think it's super duper!" He'd wink at the camera and maybe you could show his teeth sparkle and make a little "ding" noise for some added effect.

I don't see too many Fazoli's commercials, and this would be a great way to be competitive in that market. Subway has the "Jared commercials", and while they've been somewhat effective, I think everybody agrees that they've run their course and the time is ripe for something new to come along.

You might also have somebody like John Offerdahl land a monstrous block on a Jared look-alike who is trying to prevent Mark Duper from catching the Submarino.

Well, that's my pitch. Let me know what you think. I can always use more money, so I'll be looking forward to the additional income. Would I be getting a lump-sum payment for my idea or a portion of the increased profits? Just let me know. At the very least I'd take a free sub sandwich or two. Thanks!


Fazoli's Doesn't Respond

Welp, Fazoli's is apparently scared of success because they never responded to my commercial idea. I'm thinking that my email must've been misplaced, so it's probably a good time for me to send them my idea again.

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