Volume 1, Issue 1
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Johnny Takes Aim

Subway

Blimpie

Lenny's

Fazoli's

Jersey Mike's

Schlotzsky's

Wall Street Deli


   
Email Pranks
By Johnny Betts

My Initial Email to Lenny's

Subject: GREAT idea for Lenny's Sub Shop

Hello, Johnny Betts here. I'm just writing to let you know that I have a great marketing slogan for Lenny's Sub Shop. Ever since my "John Deere incident" (long story), I've had a lot of free time on my hands to sit around and think up great ideas for businesses. My mom claims I've just been sitting on my hands and doing nothing, but she's the one who only does my laundry twice a week so what makes her think she has room to talk? Anyway, I know you'll love my idea.

I think it would be a great idea to have a marketing promotion where for a limited time you offered a free bag of chips with every purchase of a sub sandwich. Then you could use the following slogan:

"Our sandwiches are all that...and a bag of chips."

In the commercial I envision a pretty, smiling employee holding up a bag of chips and then winking at the camera. Maybe you could show her teeth sparkle and make a little "ding" noise for some added effect.

Not only would you increase revenue (as a result of the increase in customers), but you would also show the young folk that you're hip to today's popular catchphrases. I think it'd be great for everyone.

I don't see too many Lenny's commercials, and this would be a great way to be competitive in that market. Subway has the "Jared commercials", and while they've been somewhat effective, I think everybody agrees that they've run their course and the time is ripe for something new to come along.

Well, that's my pitch. Let me know what you think. I can always use more money, so I'll be looking forward to the additional income. Would I be getting a lump-sum payment for my idea or a portion of the increased profits? Just let me know. At the very least I'd take a free sub sandwich or two. Thanks!

jb



Lenny's Responds!

From: Kate Wingo
To: johnny_betts@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: GREAT idea for Lenny's Sub shop

Hello, Johnny! Kate Wingo here! Thanks for sending the idea. . .I think that it is a great one! We are not quite at the point where we are producing television commercials, but hopefully we will be moving that way soon! I think that your idea is wonderful and fresh, and I greatly appreciate you thinking of Lenny's! If we get a big, television, commercial campaign going, I will definitely contact you! Thanks!



Johnny Responds to Lenny's Response!

Kate,

Johnny Betts again. Thanks for the non-form letter (and enthusiastic!) response. Lenny's has good sandwiches, and I especially respect local businesses that do well for themselves.

Let me know if you ever want to tap the vein of the idea bank I've convinced myself is in my head.

jb



Lenny's Responds for an Unprecedented SECOND Time!

I will certainly contact you!
Thanks, again for the great idea!

Keep eating Lenny's & ENJOY!!!!!

Sincerely,
Kate Wingo



ANALYSIS

Yeah buddy, I'm SO in! All I have to do is wait until Lenny's has a big television contract and then it's retirement city for me. I'll go so far as to say that my email correspondence with Lenny's pretty much serves as a written contract. I'm not on the payroll yet, but that's just a minor detail that will be worked out soon.

Be patient, my fans, Johnny Betts will soon be taking a big ol' bite of that sub sandwich called "success". And yes, it'll come with chips.



Johnny Sends Another Idea to Lenny's!

Subject: Another GREAT idea for Lenny's

Kate,

Hello there, Johnny Betts here again with yet another great advertising idea for Lenny's. I'm still recovering from the "John Deere Incident" and thus still have lots of time to come up with great advertising ideas for folks like you.

I know you're still waiting to jumpstart the big television campaign, but here's an idea to place on ice until you're rarin' to go.

Wraps seem to be the trendy food item of the day. Chick-Fil-A has 'em, Taco Bell has 'em, KFC has 'em, etc. Whenever I turn the on the TV some fast food chain has come up with their own wrap. I could be mistaken, but I think I saw McDonald's advertising a new "Chicken Parts Wrap" the other day.

At any rate, I think it would be perfect timing for Lenny's to jump in with it's own version of the Wrap. You can add whatever ingredients you want to it, but the future commercial for it is gonna be the big seller.

My proposal is this: Once you get a TV campaign going you need to hire a big director like Ron Howard or Steven Spielberg to appear on your commercial. Have the camera focus on him eating a Lenny's Wrap. He'll take a big bite and then an expression of joy will cover his face. He'll then pick up his director's megaphone and yell, "Now THAT'S a wrap!"

If Spielberg or Howard aren't available, then I'm sure there are a couple of local theatre directors who'd be willing to help for a free sandwich or two.

Well, that's my next pitch. I hope that in the near future it'll be instrumental in catapulting Lenny's to the national spotlight. Be sure and let me know when you're ready to use it, I don't want to miss this train because it's got only one stop - Success City.

jb



Unbelievable. Lenny's Responds a THIRD Time!

Your ideas are incredible!
Your latest is a winner!
Whenever we get ready to take the big advertising plunge (when we have a mega budget with a zillion shops open), I will DEFINITELY give you a call!
Thanks for passing another wonderful idea our way!
Take Care and stay away from John Deere machinery!
Sincerely,
Kate Wingo
Director of Marketing



Johnny sends Baker's Dozen's Idea to Lenny's

Kate,

I might have to get back to work soon (my employer is starting to get suspicious about my John Deere injuries), but I do have one more idea to share with you before my time starts to get occupied with other activities.

My friend (he goes by "Baker's Dozen") was telling me how the last time he was at Lenny's he came to the conclusion that your bread is a big part of what makes the sandwiches so much better than Subway's and other sub shops. He wanted to help me in my "Lenny's Commercial Campaign", so he wanted me to pass on this commercial idea that would help you capitalize on the strength of your good bread.

The advertisement would start out with a wide view of a Lenny's at lunchtime, with a line of customers placing their orders. It would then switch over to a similar angle view of Subway or any generic sub shop (the competitor). Switching back to Lennys, the camera would zoom in to show the shapely buttocks of the customers in line - maybe you could hire Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Josh Brolin, etc. - all wearing real tight clothes of course.

Then the shot would go to a zoom-in of the Subway line and reveal some enormous flabby derierres - maybe some fat old lady with sweatpants that reveal some telling fat dimples. Then you see a close-up of a fresh Lenny's sub, fluffy bread and all, held by a smiling model in that classic 50's "backside to the camera, torso twisted around and looking back" pose. After you get a nice look at her she says, "Lenny's. Our buns are better." Then she winks. End of commercial.

I think it'd be cute. I don't know if you could afford to hire the people I mentioned (maybe not at first), so if that's the case then I'd be willing to help out. I have a new pair of black 501s that I could wear for the commercial. It'd be fun.

Let me know what you think, I hope it's another one you can file away until the time is right. Until next time...

jb



ANALYSIS

I'm patiently waiting for Lenny's to call to let me know that they have a contract for me to sign. I'd like to urge everybody to write to your city and demand that they get a Lenny's! Lenny's needs to expand! Expansion means more revenue, more revenue means money for an ad campaign, and an ad campaign means CHA-CHING for Johnny.

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