Volume 1, Issue 1
[ Home | Intro | Articles and Editorials | Email Pranks | The Rider Review | What's Wrong With People? ]

The Kid
Home of the Brave
Speak No Evil
Bad Blood
Black Ulysses
Ten-Cent Hero
False Colors
A Good Day to Die
End of Innocence
Blind Love
The Keepsake
Fall From Grace
Hard Time
Lady For a Night
Unfinished Business
Daddy's Girl
Matched Pair
Man Behind the Badge
Then There Was One
Gathering Clouds Part 1
Gathering Clouds Part 2



Born to Hang

The Rider Review - Daddy's Girl
By Johnny Betts

October 3, 2002


Reader: *looks around* What in the world?
Johnny Betts: Hey! Johnny Betts here, welcome to the Rider Review!
Reader: Where?
Johnny Betts: The Rider Review. Haven't you heard of "The Young Riders"?
Reader: Um. Is that some sort of bicycle club or something?
Johnny Betts: No. It's a Western that aired on ABC from 1989 to 1992.
Reader: Oh wait a minute! Isn't that the show that starred Ty Miller??
Johnny Betts: Why yes, Ty Miller was one of the main characters on the show. He's what you remember about the show?
Reader: Oh, I don't remember the show. I just saw something about it when I started looking up info on Ty Miller after his MEMORABLE 9-second performance on the new CBS show, "Without a Trace." I wonder how Emmy winner Anthony Lapaglia felt about having that scene stolen from right under him???

Wow. Who knew? Brett Cullen will be making an appearance on an episode of "Without A Trace" one of these days. Apparently he plays some sort of dude under witness protection. It'd be cool if Ty showed up on the same episode as Brett, gave Brett some piece of information, and then Brett said, "Thanks, Kid," as he looked at the camera and winked. Man, that'd rule.

First off, reader awards!

Most Recent Guestbook Signers: Yet another three adventurous readers have stepped up to the plate: Dina Haak from the Netherlands (further evidence of my worldwide influence), the Canadian Cowgirl herself, Lori D, and Ms. Valerie from New York.

Who will be next to take the JOHNNY BETTS GUESTBOOK CHALLENGE??? You? Or how about YOU? Who will save the day and bring on a signature for October??? Come on, I need a signature for every month that the website exists. Don't let the streak be broken!

Rider Review Mark of the Last Review: I'm giving it to Lori D. She's been through a lot lately and needs something to cheer her up. Ms. California girl can win it next time if she hurries up with something!!! She knows what I'm talking about.

I love my screenshot captions, so I like to reward those of you who take the time to praise them.

The Screenshots w/captions Marks of the Last Review: Oregon Ann with, "I really like the first pic of Cody and the caption. Stephanie's caption for the bear is funny too."

Lindsay with, "My favorite captioned pic was... I don't know, they were all great!"

Lori D. with, "I positively died when I got to the Robert Downey Jr. crack about SPEED.....the picture of his view after waking up from a night on the town was PRICELESS! ... you really outdid yourself there man! The King of Hilarity!"

Thank you, thank you. I would say you're too kind, but I am of the opinion that you can never be TOO kind when praising the review.

Rider Review Newcomers: Lindsay's sister Heidi, Valerie, and Dina Haak. Thanks for joining in on this silliness gals, I hope I don't run you off too soon.


The general consensus is that I'm NOT too hard on Ike, and nobody could really make any sense out of the ol' Corinne story. There were a few other things in the "Decoy" episode that didn't make sense that some of you were kind of enough to try to make sense of. I appreciate it. Here are your props.

JB: "Jimmy says something like, 'Go get some.' But that doesn't make any sense. Does ANYBODY know what in the world Jimmy says there??? This has been puzzling me for years AND I NEED AN ANSWER!"

Thanks to the wonderful world of close-captioning we may have found our answer:

Ann from Oregon: The part where Teaspoon tells Kid to put the diaper in the wash tub? I couldn't understand what he said either but having caption helps in those times when you're asking "what did he say?" Jimmy says for some odd reason "I guess so." It seems to me that Kid would be the one to have said that. So I don't get why Jimmy says that, unless Kid had asked "In this washtub?" Because Kid had turned away by this time and he could have said something we viewers couldn't hear. That is just a theory.

Good enough theory for me because Ann's right, it doesn't really make sense for Jimmy to say that. But what do I know? I'm just a rider reviewer.

Also, I thought Cody referred to himself as the best "red rider," but Cristy and Lindsay offered different viewpoints.

Cristy Brown: ok, jb, i think i'm gonna have to call you on this one. i may be wrong (wouldn't be the first time) but i got "best read rider", as in, cody has read more than the other riders and is more "well-read." it ties in w/ the book he was reading (although one may argue that reading dime store novels does not a well-read person make) and makes more sense than best red rider. just my opinion!


Lindsay: When Cody said he would take the message to the fort, he said he was the best-looking, etc, well-READ rider, not red rider. Cuz he was talking earlier about literature and he definitely reads the most, making him the most well-read rider.

Well gals, that's very plausible. You just might be right. Anybody out there have a copy of the script so we can verify it???


Mandy Silver: Speaking of Stephen Baldwin, I was watching the U.S. Open final between Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi. He was sitting in the stands with Alec. He had a beard thing going on.

I would've marked out big time if an errant tennis ball had sailed into the crowd and nailed Alec Baldwin right in the face. I can't stand that arrogant, pompous jerk. In fact, Stephen's the only one in the family I really like.


I might have spent more than I should have on the Young Riders poster, but I feel better because another poster just like it was sold a couple of weeks later for $91!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that's a little extreme. I just sold (as of Oct. 24) a Sweet Home Alabama poster (with an added bonus of an Abandon poster) on ebay for $14.50. BOOYA! It pays to go to free advanced screenings of movies and get free posters that you can sell on ebay.


Rhiannon pointed out that spandex can be much more unflattering than jeans, and I agree with her. This has caused me to change the title of this section. So without further ado this review's entry is...

Rosie O'Donnell.


I received an email message the other day that was a little strange. I don't know if it's somebody who happened upon my website and didn't like something they read or if this was some sort of junk mail that got sent to me. Check it out:

From: "skeet® ."
Subject: hahahaahhaah



That's all the email said. It may just be junk mail, but it was addressed only to me, and it comes from a hotmail address. So if in fact this message was intended for me, and if "Skeet" is out there reading this, then let me issue this prepared statement:

"I understand that you communicated with me by sending a cryptic email. You indicated that you want me to get a job. Well let me just say that I do indeed have a job, and I'm sorry that you apparently don't. I understand that since you can't even spell 'loser' that it must be hard for you to find gainful employment. My suggestion would be to go back to high school and get your degree. You'll find that it's a better option than living off daddy's credit card the rest of your life."

Thank you. Probably another disgruntled fast food worker who didn't appreciate my "What's Wrong With Fast Food Employees?" article.


One last thing before we move on with the review. Beth F. asked the question, "If the Young Riders were food, what would they be?" A few of you gals weighed in with your answers. I've created a separate page for this so CLICK HERE if you're interested in seeing what types of food our favorite characters would be.

October 14, 2002


The Insult Comic Dog Before we get started with this review I'd like to introduce a special guest. How many of you watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien? If you watch it frequently then you probably know today's guest. He's a talking dog puppet who loves to insult people, and he has a very distinctive catchphrase. I think you'll figure it out soon enough. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog!

Triumph: Ohhh, thank you Johnny Betts. It's such a great privilege for me to be here today. I mean, your rider reviews are really great. They are just truly great pieces of literature ... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Yeah, thanks Triumph. Now remember the rules -- you're here today just to observe and make a FEW comments. The reviews are my territory, and you won't be allowed to steal the show.

Triumph: But of course. Speaking of territory, I hope you don't mind but I just marked MY territory in your living room.

Great. Let's just move on and get started with the rider review of "Daddy's Girl."

Judging by the title we can assume that this episode has something to do with a prissy little guest actress. We can further assume that one of the riders will "fall in love" with the guest actress, and then this guest actress will turn out to be a COMPLETE AND TOTAL WAINCH! You know, if you do a search on Google for "wainchy," the Doorless Stall is the ONLY website that comes up in the search results. Go ahead, try it! Sad as it may be, it instills me with some sense of pride. Little victories. That's what life is all about.

Sweetwater's Founder's Day Race and Picnic. Not only is it the setting for the beginning of this episode, but it's also an annual event that we NEVER hear about again in the show. I like the scene with Teaspoon, Emma, and the riders coming into town. Teaspoon gives a tear-jerking account of how this event is all about people without a lot in common coming together peacefully "for love of pure sport and pride in their little town." But Emma butts in and adds, "And because the saloon is closed," to which Teaspoon concurs. The saloon is closed? Keep this in mind, we'll get back to it in just a bit.

Crazy Stare We see a chick dressed all fancy and holding a parasol. I guess that's ... DUHN DUHN DUHN ... DADDY'S GIRL! It's also Alice Adair who was Josh Brolin's wife at the time. Buck's ogling her like Rosie O'Donnell ogles an all-you-can-eat buffet. Like Michael Jackson ogles a Boy Scout Meeting. Like Tom Cruise ogles a pair of stilts. I wonder what Josh thought about that?

We see Sam partaking in a "Dunk the Marshal" game. It's a funny scene because Sam smilingly invites a little girl to try to dunk him. I see how it works. Sam has a prejudice against little children AND females. He thinks this FEMALE CHILD won't be able to hit the bulls-eye and dunk him, BUT HE WAS WRONG! Oh was he wrong.

Meanwhile, some dude named James Crowley is playing with explosives on his land. Apparently he's looking for gold. Unfortunately for him three bad guys show up to let him know that he's late with the mortgage and has 72 hours to clear out. Crowley says that's how it's always been, but the bad guy with the neatly trimmed beard (who we later find out is called Rance) informs him that Jack Devlin owns the bank now and the rules have changed.

Crowley then proceeds to show WHAT A COMPLETE IDIOT he is by yelling, "You can't do this!" and trying to draw his gun. Um, how exactly did he think this was going to do any good? Rance shoots Crowley and kills him. Crowley's wife hears the gunshot as she does the laundry. There is no symbolism there that I can find.

I've just gotta say that James Crowley might possibly be the stupidest character in Young Riders history. He's at least up there at the top of the list. IT WAS THREE AGAINST ONE! Did he think he was going to kill all three guys before they could shoot him? Yeah right. Maybe if he was Walker, Texas Ranger. And he obviously wasn't even a good gunfighter because he couldn't get his gun out of the holster. Rance is a jerk, but in all fairness he shot Crowley in self-defense. Crowley had three days to figure out some way to get revenge. I would gather my friends together and then raid Devlin's house or something. Maybe catch Rance when he's alone and shave off his neatly trimmed beard. THAT WOULD SHOW HIM! No, I wouldn't even shave it completely off. I'd just shave the beard in spots so that it looked all messed up. Rance would leave town in shame. James Crowley's an idiot.

Triumph: Ohhh, Rance. How can you not love his neatly trimmed beard? Just look at it! So full, so neat, so trim. I'll even go so far as to say that it's the perfect beard ... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Back in town Tompkins welcomes everybody to the race. The winner gets a trophy, a $20 gold piece, AND a kiss from Josh's wife WITHOUT a severe beating from Josh following the kiss. When Tompkins mentions that Kathleen (Josh's wife) will present the prize, she half-heartedly smiles and has a face as if to say, "Poor Gregg. I know the script says I have to kiss him, but when Josh gets through with him..."

The camera shows Buck continuing to ogle Kathleen. It's funny because the camera pans over to Jimmy and we see that he's staring over at Buck. Jimmy then hurriedly spins his head around and looks in the same direction as everybody else. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! Maybe that's what Jimmy was supposed to do, but it's funny because it seems like it's a case of Josh looking over at Gregg and thinking, "Who do you think you're staring at, noodle arm? THAT'S MY WIFE!"

Jimmy's Not Happy Man, am I the only one that's beginning to get creeped out at the way Buck's looking at Kathleen? Just look at his eyes, they've got "stalker" written all over 'em. And this is soooooo predictable. Buck has looked at Kathleen about 27 times now, so we know this means he's gonna win the race. Sigh. A little suspense would have been nice.

The race starts. All right, let's see how all of the riders except Buck begin to get eliminated thus allowing Buck to pick up the victory:

  1. Dude's horse falls in Jimmy's path. This causes Jimmy's horse to get steered off track. At least Jimmy got to be real cool and hang from a "Livery" sign. I don't guess that appeased him too much though, he looks angry. You know why? Because he was thinking, "Just great, this means that somebody else is gonna get to kiss my wife."

  2. A little kid walks into the path of the horses. Yeah right. He didn't know there was a race going on? Stupid kid. The mother is yelling at him, but since he's obviously a stupid kid he just ducks his head and covers up. Hey brat! How about trying to run out of the way! Oh well. Ike saves the day and plucks the kid from the claws of danger. Unfortunately, Ike also eliminates himself from the race. I guess the writers are trying to tell us that the bald-headed mute is always the one with the biggest heart.

  3. Triumph: Yeah, FOR ME TO POOP ON!

  4. One of the non-Young Riders participants bumps into Kid's horse and nudges him off track. Kid doesn't do a thing about it. Good job, Kid.

  5. Triumph: Ohhh, look, it's Kid! Now there's a real cowboy! How can the girls not love him? He's kind, he's thoughtful, he's very conscientious, and he's got more hair than a shag terrier. Some may say that he's the ideal man ... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

    You know, Ty Miller played a Werewolf on an episode of "The X-Files." It's too bad that he didn't play a vampire because then for the first time in his acting career he would have had a legitimate excuse to suck. I kid, I kid!

  6. Some dude starts hitting Cody with a whip. Cody's not gonna take that though! He leaps from his horse and tackles the guy. He then proceeds to punch the guy twice. BOOYA! He's about to hit the guy with the whip when he notices the riders passing him by. So he just NOW realized that he had been eliminated from the race?

Buck then proceeds to cross the finish line and take home the prize further enforcing the age-old stereotype that Indians always win horse races against a bunch of white people. What happened to Lou? They didn't show her get eliminated, and she wasn't even close to winning. I figured they'd have her and Buck in a dead-heat heading to the finish line. Very strange. What kind of a sexist message are the writers trying to send us?!?!?!

Kathleen gives Buck the gold coin and kisses him. Look at the sour faces on Jack Devlin, Tompkins, and Rance. They act like that's the worst thing that's ever happened. I guess we're supposed to think that kissing an Indian in front of everybody was some big taboo that you were supposed to stay away from. Personally, I think those are the legitimate reactions of the discomfort everybody had because Gregg was kissing Josh's wife. The look on Tompkins' face pretty much says, "Poor Gregg, it was nice working with him." Meanwhile, a vein the size of the empty space between Barbra Streisand's ears is about to pop on Josh's neck.

Tompkins then announces that the festivities are only half over. Behind him is the saloon and the first drink is on the house. Huh? Remember the very beginning of the episode? Teaspoon and Emma both said the saloon is closed! I smell something rotten in Sweetwater.

Ol' Jack Devlin is mad at Kathleen. He claims she has embarrassed him by kissing an Indian. In a scene that was later cut, Josh Brolin appears in the scene (out of character) and says, "Forget the whole Indian thing. You've embarrassed ME by kissing a 135-pound noodle-armed co-worker of mine! YOU'RE MY WIFE AND I'M NOT GONNA STAND FOR THIS!" Cast and crew had to run in and settle him down. Rumor has it that Josh then pointed at Buck and said, "This ain't over, Tonto."

Buck briefly shows everybody his trophy before heading over to talk to Kathleen. They introduce themselves. Kathleen says she admired Buck's riding. This causes Buck to nearly have a heart attack. His face lights up like a 21-year-old girl at a Johnny Betts Picture Gallery, and he tells Kathleen that he'd be glad to teach her. Kathleen thinks this is a swell idea and says they can do it tomorrow morning at Widow's Knoll, if he's not busy.

Buck says, "No, I'm not busy. It's not like I ride for the Pony Express or anything. Well, I do, but we're really only required to take one or two rides a year, so I definitely know I won't be busy tomorrow." Well, he at least said the first four words of that little quote. You know, I think I'm gonna start keeping track of how many times the Pony Express is actually referenced in each episode.

Oh, and I just know there's an angry Buck fan out there who has already opened up her email and started sending me a nice little note, so let me save you the trouble:

"Dear Johnny, maybe Buck already knew for sure that he had the next day off. Pony Express riders didn't go on rides EVERY single day, so Buck probably knew that he'd be free to go riding. That doesn't mean Buck (or any of the other riders) never went on any rides, it just means the episode is focusing on a day that Buck didn't have to ride. Just wanted to clear that up."

There you go. Copy, paste, click "send." No need to thank me, I'm just trying to make life easier for everybody.

Sam Jams Mrs. Crowley shows up at the picnic and starts wailing loudly about how Rance and his men killed her husband. She frantically explains the situation to Sam and then pulls a gun and fires. She was about as bad a shot as her husband and failed to hit anyone. Sam tells the two guys that were with Rance to come to his office. Why wouldn't he make Rance come to his office as well? He was the one who killed Crowley. And what kind of a name is Rance? Sam should've made him come to his office just because of his name! "Hey you! Come to my office. Anyone named Rance has to be up to no good at all."

Triumph: Did someone ask what kind of a name Rance is?

It's all right Triumph, we know.

Triumph: You know what? That it's a very nice name?


Triumph: And that it's short for Lawrence?

Yeah, yeah.

Triumph: And that it means Laurel-crowned?

Just get to the point so I can move on with the review.

Triumph: What point? That it's a very nice and distinguished name? ... FOR ME TO POOP ON! Thank you, thank you. And with that I must bid farewell. I have an obedience lesson that I must now attend. I'm still not fully potty-trained yet.

I understand, Triumph. But thanks for stopping by. Join us again sometime if you get the chance.

Triumph: Oh I will. I didn't get around to making fun of the king of bad decisions, Stephen Baldwin. Now there's a man with a long list of straight-to-video movies for me to poop on. But alas, I'll save those insults for another day. But I do want to thank you, Johnny Betts, for letting me be a small part of your review today.

Sure thing, Triumph. My pleasure.

Triumph: Honestly, your rider reviews are very useful to me. I really get a lot of out them.

Wow, thanks, I really appreciate that.

Triumph: It's true. I always print the reviews out and take them to obedience school with me.

Cool, and then you read them while you're waiting for the trainer to see you?

Triumph: No, I use them to do my potty training on. The paper is much softer than newspapers.

Oh. Thanks a lot.

Triumph: I kid, I kid. In all honesty, Johnny, you really are the funniest, most entertaining writer on the Internet ... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, ladies and gentlemen. We'll have to him him back some day.

So where are we? Jack asks Rance what happened. Rance says that Crowley went for his gun and it couldn't be helped. Apparently Jack Devlin expects anybody with such a neatly trimmed beard to be a little more careful in such situations.

Rance goes over to Buck and tells him to stay away from Kathleen. The scene ends there and cuts to commercial, but luckily for all you fine readers I found a copy of the original video footage of this episode. Here's all of what Rance said to Buck:

Neatly Trimmed Beard Rance: Stay away from Kathleen Devlin. In case you didn't know, Kathleen is played by Alice Adair, Josh's real-life wife. Josh has kept his eye on you the entire time we've been filming this episode. Stephen and Travis sent me over here to let you know that they overheard Josh saying something about, "I'll show that half-breed what else you can do with a peace pipe besides smoking it." I know this isn't in the script, but I thought I should warn you.


We return from commercial break and find Kathleen and Buck meeting in some field. Let me just tell you that nothing great happens here, pretty much a bunch of cheesy stuff. They ride, Buck jokes about the horse being afraid of Kathleen, Kathleen acts all flirty and asks who'd be afraid of little ol' her, Buck smiles creepily, etc. Basically it's a bunch of stuff I DON'T care to see in a Young Riders episode.

Of course there's the exciting revelation that Kathleen was a regional equestrian champion while she was in France! WHOA! THAT CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF LEFT FIELD! THIS WAS ALL A SET-UP JUST SO SHE COULD SEE BUCK AGAIN! They take off riding and Buck's stuntman does a whole bunch of tricks. Sap proceeds to ooze from Buck's pores as he tells Kathleen how lucky he is she wasn't in the race. Kathleen then accidentally breaks character and says, "Actually, you're lucky that Josh hasn't punched your pec-less chest in yet." They later cut that line from the episode.

HOLY COW! What's this?!?! THEY'RE ACTUALLY SHOWING A SCENE THAT INVOLVES THE PONY EXPRESS! Whoa. Teaspoon yells at Cody and says he's up for a ride, and you know what? Cody actually comes out and takes off on a ride! This scene lasted all of 20 seconds. In other words, the Pony Express was dealt with for about 0.76% of this episode. But hey, they DID give their props to the Pony Express. I can't remember for sure, but I think there's one episode where Kid walks out of the bunkhouse, looks at the camera, and then nods his head and says, "What up, Pony Express!" and that's the only time the PE is referenced in the episode. I may be mistaken, or maybe that's in one of my Special Edition episodes.

The next scene isn't anything to write home about, but apparently it does warrant a mention in the review (my standards are low). Emma and Mrs. Crowley talk a bit, and Mrs. Crowley reveals that she's ready to head home, all she needs is to borrow a horse. Emma says that it's too bad Sarah Downs is in jail or she could use her. Teaspoon comes in and explains that Mrs. Crowley plans on looking for gold on her land, but he hints that she won't be doing it alone. Whatever, that's great. I'm sorry, but I'm not overly excited about that upcoming scene. Goodness. WHERE'S JIMMY?!?! It's time for a gunfight already. If they don't do something to pick up the pace then I'm gonna fall asleep. Seriously, I can't remember an episode prior to this one where less has happened.

Buck and Kathleen picnic. Greeeeeeat, THIS IS SO EXCITING! Well, it is pretty cool when Buck cuts the top of the wine bottle off with his knife. The main reason he does it is to show what a cool Indian he is.

Young Riders Cliche #17 - Indians have knives and can do cool things with them.

Buck looks at a bottle of some food that Kathleen explains is pate, good ol' ground goose liver. Buck actually makes a face as if to say, "Eww, no thank you." Oh please. HE'S AN INDIAN! Trust me, he's probably eaten much worse than that. Indians ate buffalo tongue, guts, the pancreas, brains, and they ate horses too. AND THEY THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD! So I'm sure ground goose liver would be child's play to an Indian. Here's a quote from Larry McMurtry's "Lonesome Dove":

"The Kiowas split open the cow's stomach and began to pull out her guts. They sliced off strips of the white guts and squeezed out what was in them, eating it greedily."

And Buck turns his nose up at some goose liver pate? Some Indian he is. Man, the Kiowas would've kicked major butt on Fear Factor. Sounds like Buck is one of those sissy boy Indians who insisted on eating with a napkin on his lap.

Anyway, Kathleen claims that at one time French noblemen would die for the pate (losers), and this causes Buck to pick up the jar and wave it around in the air. He claims that "his people" have a belief that something worth dying for should be offered to the 6 powers of the world. Whatever man. My people have a belief that something this boring should be fast-forwarded through. That's right, it's an entire belief system of "my people."

Sappy romantic music starts playing. Kathleen looks in wonder at Buck's knife. She's curious to know if he's ever used it on another person. Buck says he has when he's had to. I sure wish I could use it right now on myself. Oh man, I can't believe this! I'm ashamed to report this, but Buck then stares at Kathleen's chest and POINTS AT IT and says, "It's beautiful." Unbelievable. WHAT KIND OF FAMILY SHOW IS THIS?!?!?! This is just uncalled for. I don't think Josh will appreciate this at all.

Kathleen acts like she thinks he's talking about her necklace. Buck decides to play dumb and act like yes, he was indeed talking about the necklace. In an effort to get Buck to stop staring at her chest, Kathleen gives him the cross necklace.

YES! Here comes the boring scene that I couldn't care less about where the riders help Mrs. Crowley mine her hills. What? Oh people, come on! Keep your minds out of the gutter! Goodness.

As the riders are feigning to hit the rocks with their pick axes, Mrs. Crowley comes out and tries to act all tough. She starts hitting a rock and then starts crying. The riders just sit there and stare at her. Good job, I'm sure that's what she needs. Ike starts to go to her, but Kid holds him back. Mrs. Crowley finally breaks down and starts uncontrollably sobbing. Lou and Ike go comfort her. It'd comfort me greatly if we'd switch to a different scene because this ain't keepin' my interest. Just as long as we don't switch back to the picnic scene.

We switch scenes. It's the picnic scene. NOOOOOOOOOO! Here come three Indians. Buck tells Kathleen to stay calm and not to make any sudden moves, hahahaha. Yeah, that really instills comfort. "I don't want to alarm you or anything, but you might not want to make any sudden moves. Doing so just might result in YOUR SLOW AND PAINFUL, TORTUROUS DEATH! But please stay calm."

Oh man, Kathleen takes the cake: "Buck, do you know them?" Yeah, Kathleen, Buck knows ALL Indians! Buck should've pulled a page from Curly's book and asked, "Do you know all white men by name?"

Bucker T Anyway, Buck communicates with the head Indian by using sign language. Buck holds up three fingers and the Indian goes and looks at Kathleen's hair. When Buck holds up four fingers, the Indians shrug him off and leave. After this impromptu math lesson, Buck explains that the Indian wanted to trade ponies for Kathleen. He offered 2 ponies, but Buck asked for four.

Kathleen wonders what would've happened if he'd agreed. Buck said he'd be a rich man, but there was no worry, the Indian's limit was three. Man, I would've marked out and given high praise to Buck if he had said, "All right, three will do" and then the Indians took off with Kathleen and the episode ended right there. Now THAT would've been hilarious.

This episode continues to go downhill faster than Martha Stewart's chances of NOT going to jail when this little conversation takes place:

Buck: Don't feel bad, I think you're worth four ponies easy. Maybe five.
Kathleen: Thank you very much!
Buck: You're welcome.
Kathleen: Do you really think I'm worth five ponies?
Buck: Maybe six.

Then they smooch. OH COME ON! This is so gay. Seriously, this conversation is just painful to watch. Kathleen acts genuinely flattered by the comments. If there are ANY guys out there reading this review (Brian?) then remember that the next time you want to talk to a girl, you should break the ice by comparing her to a horse. Works every time. I tried it on Stephanie once:

Johnny: Hey baby, let me just say that if you were my girl I'd trade you for no less than 6 ponies.

Steph: Oh Johnny! *SMOOCH*

Kathleen And Kathleen isn't anything special. She's not as ugly as Sarah "Horseface" Downs, but she's no Charlize Theron. Not anywhere close. She's just ... plain. I certainly can't understand why Buck is acting like a giddy school girl around her. She looks better with her hat on. (Thanks Australian Ann, for the accompanying picture)

Kathleen gets home and gets into an argument with her father. Nothing important happens. Her dad just makes a warning about how she will not defy him, blah blah blah.

Buck is heading back home and is riding in a pretty shallow creek. All of a sudden he's roped off his horse by Rance's two henchman. They drag Buck behind a horse and then cover him with tar and feathers. Rance sits by and enjoys the show. It would've been better if Rance had laughed maniacally while stroking his neatly trimmed beard, "Muha ... muhaha ... MUHAHAHAHA!" It would've made Rance a more effective bad guy.

Teaspoon pays a visit to the assay office and it's confirmed that they have struck gold. So let me get this straight, James Crowley had been mining his land for years and years and never found a trace of gold, but Teaspoon and the boys go hit on a few rocks for a day and VOILA! they strike gold? Yeah, I bet. What are the chances of that?

Teaspoon next finds Buck in the barn washing off the tar and feathers. Teaspoon asks what happened and Buck actually says, "Nothing." Come on, Buck couldn't come up with a better answer than that? Did he think Teaspoon would say, "Oh, all right, just thought I'd ask. Take care!"???? Teaspoon sees through Buck's little lie and tells him it's not a good idea to try to settle the score, but apparently Buck is willing to take his chances. Teaspoon warns him to stay away from Devlin. I'm thinking that won't happen.

Jack Devlin's having a meeting with Tompkins and some other supposed important Sweetwater people. Teaspoon crashes the little party and tells Devlin about what happened to Buck. Rance goes for his gun but Teaspoon warns, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." BOOYA! You go you old codger you! Teaspoon isn't impressed with Devlin's wealth and proceeds to pick up this episode's first "Mark-Out Remark" when he tells Devlin, "If anything like this happens again, you'll have to smoke those through your ear." Devlin was smoking a cigar, ya see. I'm gonna go ahead and make this a "classic scene" nominee. We'll call this, "the scene where Teaspoon lays the smack down all over Jack Devlin."

Devlin makes an awkward joke about he now knows why they call it the Wild West. He dismisses everybody for a five minute break and has a little chat with Rance. Rance claims that Buck couldn't have seen him there. What? Yeah, it would've been SO hard to see you standing off to the side watching the whole thing. Devlin tells Rance that he and his neatly trimmed beard have to stop this "hooliganism" right now. He should've also told him that the "hijinks" must come to an end.

Kathleen comes in and asks her dad what he did to Buck. She then acts all tough and says she'll see whoever she wants and there's nothing daddy dearest can do to stop her. The back of Devlin's hand says differently. He's not gonna stand for her "whoring around and desecrating the Devlin name." Good idea. We all know that buying people's property and having them thrown off the land or killed for resisting will NOT desecrate the Devlin name, but having a picnic with an Indian will. This Jack Devlin really knows what he's talking about.

Emma tells everybody the good news about the gold. Rachel Crowley isn't too happy though. Can't really blame her, after all, her husband was just killed. Finding a pebble of gold won't go a long way in healing a wound like that. Emma tells Rachel this is good news because it now means that Devlin won't be taking her land. Why not? I thought he already owned it, how exactly could she get it back?

Rachel acts shocked to hear that Devlin is buying up everybody's land. She excuses herself. Ike then throws down a little sign language on us. Here's what he does:

Taps chest. Points to hand. Points to eye. Points to hand. Makes a slight "sweep" motion with his hand.

Jimmy acts like Ike is saying he's never seen anybody react to good news like that. But the good ol' JBSLD tells us differently:

"I see your anger. Please don't punch Gregg, it'll cave his chest in and the wind will sweep his remains away."

Whoa, very interesting! It looks like Travis was trying to send a signal to Josh during the episode to try to keep him from pounding Gregg into the ground for messing around with his wife. Unfortunately for Gregg, Josh misinterpreted what Travis was saying. Gregg ain't in the clear yet.

How to Make Someone Watch a Kid Episode Meanwhile, Buck is putting some war paint on in front of a fire. Awwwwww yeeeeeeeaaaaa-uhhh! Bucks about to get Indian on a couple of unfortunate souls! I hope he runs around and pats his open mouth with his hand and makes the "Ah ah ah ah ah!" sound. He pulls one of Rance's henchmen off his horse and buries him up to his neck in dirt. How in the world did he do that in such a short period of time?? Did he already have the hole dug? If so, then how did he manage to incapacitate dude long enough to fill up the hole? It would've taken a good amount of time to fill that hole. Plus, the ground around dude's neck didn't look like it had been disturbed recently. I don't buy it. Oh well, Buck releases some tarantulas near the guy.

Buck then ropes Rance's other henchman as he's trying to climb on his horse. He hangs him upside down above a pit of rattlesnakes. Cooooool, look at that National Geographic shot of some rattlesnakes! This is a cool scene though. I like seeing Buck take out some revenge on these guys. I'll make this the second "classic scene" nominee. We'll call it "the scene where Buck gets Indian on Rance's henchmen."

It's night, and we're at Jack Devlin's house. He's sleeping peacefully in his bed. But what's that noise? Somebody has snuck into Devlin's room! This person is about to shoot Devlin! Is it Buck? Is this Buck's last act of revenge?? OH NO! RANCE JUST SHOT BUCK! BUCK IS DEAD! BUCK HAS JUST BEEN KILLED OFF THE SHOW! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO TEASPOON?!?!?! HE TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM DEVLIN! WHY BUCK, WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! WHO'S GONNA FILL THE INDIAN QUOTA NOW THAT YOU'RE DE... oh, wait, it was Rachel Crowley. Whoops, guess I jumped the gun a bit. How embarrassing. Buck's fine, Rachel's dead.

As we return from commercial break we see Emma in Sam's office telling him that "murder is murder." Yeah, but self-defense is self-defense. Sam points out that Kathleen was there and verified that it was defense. It's true. Rachel showed up to kill Devlin, and Rance saw her and shot her before she could do it. Emma got mad when Sam punched her husband to stop him from causing a disturbance, but apparently she has no problem with citizens taking the law into their own hand. Oh well.

Having been shown that she's wrong, Emma hem-haws about how Devlin's still trouble and Sam knows it. She then regrets telling Rachel about Devlin buying the land. Hmmm, so I guess EMMA WAS AN ACCOMPLICE TO MURDER! Way to go, Emma. Way to get a woman killed. Teaspoon's there and says some token "you can't let yourself feel bad about this" type stuff.

Meanwhile, Devlin is trying to convince Kathleen of how savage Buck is. Apparently Buck really put the scare in Rance's henchmen. One of them ran off to Mexico and the other one's survival was "nothing short of a miracle." What wusses. If they were true tough guys then they'd try to get revenge of their own.

Jack then informs Kathleen that she'll be marrying Rance AND his neatly trimmed beard on Sunday. She balks and says he can't make her, but he says that he can most certainly make her if she wants his money. Jack then says something so baffling that it'd make Rance shave off his neatly trimmed beard. He says that he doesn't want his grandchildren to go through hard times like he had to, especially on account of her and her deviousness. He forgot to mention her hooliganism and hijinks!

So he doesn't want his grandchildren to go through hard times, huh? I'm sure that forcing your daughter to marry Rance and then forcing them to have children would result in perfectly normal grandchildren who'd have no trouble whatsoever growing up. Riiiiiight. No hard times there! Whatever Jack.

Jack then let's Kathleen know that he found a letter in Kathleen's drawer. Gross. It was probably in her underwear drawer. What's this guy's deal? It seems that Kathleen is in love with an actor in St. Louis. He doesn't think an actor would be able to support his daughter. Kathleen refers to Rance as being Jack's "stud," and Rance doesn't seem to like that insinuation.

Jack and Kathleen argue a little more. Jack won't let her destroy what he's made and Kathleen won't forgive him if he does this. BLAH BLAH BLAH! Who in the world cares?!?!?!?! THIS SCENE HAS LASTED ENTIRELY TOO LONG! Every time I look down at my notes I see there's more stuff from this scene to refer to. WHY?!?!?! Wow, Jack thinks it's time for Kathleen to grow up. THAT'S SO INTERESTING! WHAT A PLOT TWIST THAT IS! LET'S DISCUSS IT FOR 10 MINUTES! I'd give away my '69 Camaro just to have Jimmy walk in right now, stare coldly at Rance, say something like, "Sorry, but tolerating neatly trimmed beards is something I only do on Sundays, today's Tuesday," and then draw on Rance and take him out. Now THAT would rule. Something like that could salvage this episode.

But alas, tis not to meant to be. Instead, we get Rance yelling at Kathleen. He doesn't appreciate her attitude towards him, and he's tired of working hard to get Jack's "hand-me-downs." But now he has Kathleen, the "most precious hand-me-down of them all." I sure wish Jimmy would show up and hand Rance down a major beating!

Protecting the Beard Haha, I love it when Kathleen tries to stand up and Rance totally screams, "I SAID SIT DOWN!" Dude looked like he was about to bust a vein. Rance's voice annoys me, does anyone else agree? Does anyone know if this scene will ever end? Last time I checked this show was called "The Young Riders," not "The Neatly Trimmed Beards."

Holy cow, this scene REALLY ISN'T GOING TO END! Rance is still talking about grandchildren, sharing a bed, giving daddy what he wants, etc. Wait a minute ... is this ... could it be ... I think it is ... THE END OF THE SCENE! Kathleen slaps Rance and then leaves and THE SCENE FINALLY ENDS! Excuse me, I have to say a short prayer of thanks.

Now here's where things start to get REALLY ridiculous. Kathleen meets Buck and tells him what's going on. She then says that she has relatives in St. Louis and asks Buck if he'll take her there. Just as any rational thinking male who has barely known a girl for about two days would do, Buck agrees to this. Buck's going to take Kathleen to St. Louis? Hang on, I'll explain how ridiculous this is in just a minute.

Jack heads to the saloon and tells Rance that Kathleen's gone. She left a note. Rance's voice reaches all-new levels of annoyance when he says he'll go after her. His neatly trimmed beard reaches all-new levels of annoyance by merely existing.

All right, back to this little St. Louis trip. Lou passes Buck and Kathleen. Buck says he's heading to St. Louis and wants Lou to tell Teaspoon that he'll be back "in a few days." Uh-huh. Kathleen's horse quickly picks up a stone, so they both ride on Buck's horse. All right, there are the facts. Here is why it's ridiculous to think Buck would take Kathleen to St. Louis:

  1. The riders are in Sweetwater, Wyoming Territory. That is approximately 1100 miles from St. Louis, Missouri. Buck's gonna take Kathleen on an 1100 mile trip? Sure.

  2. Buck tells Lou to tell Teaspoon that he'll be back "in a few days." Whatever. Pony Express riders rode about 75 miles a day (Teaspoon verified this in "The Kid.") And that's riding at full speed! Pony Express riders changed horses about every 10 miles, else, as Cody pointed out, it'd kill the horses.

    I doubt Buck and Kathleen would be able to travel 75 miles a day, but just for fun let's say that due to some super Indian powers they managed that. At that rate it would take them approximately FIFTEEN days to get to St. Louis. Buck would then have to return to Sweetwater, so that means he would be gone FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH! I seriously doubt Teaspoon would go along with that. But it gets even worse...

  3. THEY HAVE NO PROVISIONS! Neither Buck nor Kathleen has food or anything with them that would sustain them for an ELEVEN HUNDRED MILE TRIP! Are they just gonna travel light and count on Buck to use his knife and Indian skills to provide food along the way? Chances are they'd be traveling a lot of dry, unsettled land and might not be able to find food. And what may be the most ridiculous of all...

  4. THEY ARE ONLY TRAVELING ON ONE HORSE! Kathleen's horse comes up lame and so Buck thinks she can ride on his horse for 1100 miles? Did they plan on changing horses at any time? If so, then how? Did Kathleen bring a little of daddy's money to help fund this trip?

I doubt it. This is simply the WORST PLANNED TRIP OF ALL TIME! If Buck thinks two people are going to make an 1100 mile trip with one horse and no provisions in "a few days," then Sixth Sense boy is one or two arrows short of a full quiver. There's no other way to put it.

Still, an 1100 mile trip on horseback may be better than some of my family vacations when I was just a little Johnny Betts. I don't know how my parents survived many hours on the road with my sister and I kicking each other in the head in the backseat. They have it even worse now because they have to take my 15-yeard-old sister and 7-year-old brother on vacation. And as they've gotten older, they can't spin around and slap the kids like they could when my now 24-year-old sister and I were young.

I remember one year we were heading home from Gulf Shores, AL. We were on the interstate and it was late at night. Up ahead we saw a car driving VERY slowly. My mom thought this was very suspicious. She was scared that the guy might have a gun and SHE FORCED EVERYONE TO DUCK DOWN IN THE SEATS! Except for my dad, of course, he was stuck with the duty of driving. I guess he just had to take his chances on getting shot.

The best was when we'd be on vacation and we'd go to McDonald's for breakfast. My mom and sister would usually get the pancake meal for $1.99 or something really cheap. My sister would never finish her pancakes, and my mom didn't like this at all. So no matter how full my mom was she'd force HERSELF to finish any pancakes that were left over. Folks, pancakes are about the worse thing to eat when you're full. Everybody would have a good laugh watching the misery and contortion of my mom's face as she forced bite after bite of pancake into her mouth. My dad would tell her to stop, it was only a few cents worth of pancakes, but my mom didn't stop until the last bite of pancake was gone. Boy I wish I had a picture.

Uh-oh, check it out! LOU JUST HANDED OFF A POUCH! Woooooooo! We have NINE more seconds dedicated to the Pony Express in this episode. Death to the naysayers who claim this show has little to do with the Pony Express! That means the Pony Express was involved in about 1.1% of this episode. Wow.

Speaking of 9 seconds, that's about how long it took for Rance and his men to chase down Buck and Kathleen. So how exactly did Buck expect to make it all the way to St. Louis when he can't even make it out of town without being caught by a dude with a neatly trimmed beard?

You ready for the return of the ever-popular "Johnny Betts Speaks in Short Sentences" segment? Well, you better be because I don't feel like going into great detail about the next scene. So here we go! This is what I also call "Reviewin' - Rapid Fire Style."

Bad Breath Buck and Kathleen hide behind a rock. Buck kills two bad guys. Buck runs out of bullets. Buck says he'll keep fighting. Buck sings Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love." Johnny vomits. Buck tries to kiss Kathleen. Kathleen turns away. Johnny tries to kiss Stephanie. Stephanie DOES NOT turn away. Kathleen surrenders. Stephanie surrenders ... TO JOHNNY'S LOOOOOOOVE! Rance grabs Kathleen. Johnny grabs Stephanie. Rance prepares to kill Buck. Johnny predicts the riders will show up at the last second and save Buck. In a shocking twist, the riders show up at the last second and save Buck. Rance takes off with Kathleen. The riders warn Buck not to follow. Buck ignores their advice and follows. Johnny wants to hurry up and watch another Jimmy episode.

*catches breath* Whew! You got all that? Good. If not then you can email me and I'll type slower.

At the Devlin house Rance has pulled his gun on Jack. He whines a whole lot about working hard and not getting the respect he deserves. He then decides he's gonna blackmail Jack. His exact quote is, "I know about some things that you done things." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Can anybody make sense of that? "I know about some things that you done things." You know Rance, I don't think Jack's holding out on you, I think you haven't furthered your criminal career any further simply BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

Rance produces a contract that he wants Jack to sign. Once Jack signs it he and Rance will be full partners. And if Jack refuses to sign the contract? Well, Rance will stroke his neatly trimmed beard a few times and then kill Jack.

What was the point of the contract? Rance should've just taken Kathleen back to Jack and tried to proceed with the wedding. If Jack finally broke down and told Kathleen she didn't have to marry Rance, THEN Mr. Neatly Trimmed Beard could've tried the whole contract thing. So I don't think Rance took the smartest path here. But what do you expect from somebody who says stuff like, "I know about some things that you done things"?

Jack defies all logic by trying to pull a gun on Rance. Man, Jack Devlin's even more stupid than Rance AND Mr. Crowley! Hey Jack, Rance IS POINTING A GUN AT YOU! Unless you're Jimmy, you ain't gonna get the drop on him. What a moron. Rance rewards this stupidity by shooting Jack. I don't like Rance, but this serves Jack right. Why not sign the contract, wait until Rance puts his gun down or turns his back, shoot him, and then burn the contract? WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

Before Rance can do any more harm Buck shows up and throws his knife in Rance's back. Buck just stands and stares as Kathleen ... DUHN DUHN DUHN ... comforts daddy and tells him she's sorry, she wasn't going anywhere, she just wanted him to get rid of Rance, and now it'll just be the two of them. I'm more than a little disturbed at Kathleen and Jack's relationship.

Seriously. Jack's going through her drawers, Rance makes a comment about how Jack would marry Kathleen if he could, and now Kathleen's talking about how she and her father will never be apart.

Buck finally musters up the courage to say, "Kathleen?" To which Kathleen says she's sorry, but she can't leave her dad. Buck, however, CAN leave the necklace she gave him and he does just that as the scene ends. I think I would've kept it and sold it to Tompkins. Would've served the WAINCH right.


Whew. This episode is FINALLY over. This isn't the worst episode in Young Riders history, but it's not really high on my list. It's most certainly NOT to be used as a YRRT. There wasn't much action, and there wasn't a whole lot of humor either. There was mainly a lot of gay picnic stuff mixed in with a sub-plot that nobody except the guest actors involved cared about.

Jack Devlin's a pretty generic bad guy. He just yells at his daughter a lot. Woo, menacing. Rance is annoying. His neatly trimmed beard really stood out though. A knife to the back wasn't a fitting end. The smack really needed to be laid down on the punk. If the show had ended with Buck shaving off Rance's neatly trimmed beard with his knife then the episode could've redeemed itself. Alas, twas not meant to be. Kathleen? Just another less-than-spectacular wainch that one of the riders falls in love with. I don't highly recommend this episode.

You know, the more I think about it the more I realize that this actually was a really good episode ... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Mark-Out Remark:

It's gotta be Teaspoon with, "If anything like this happens again, you'll have to smoke those through your ear."

That takes me back to my sophomore year in college. I was taking Physics and the professor handed our tests back. I missed getting an 'A' by one point. But the prof marked an answer wrong that I just knew was right. After class I went to his office to ask him about it. The guy smoked the cheapest cigars that money could buy, and since he was the Dean of Physics, he could get away with smoking them in his office. After looking at my paper he realized that he had indeed graded my test wrong. He changed my grade to an 'A.' "Sorry about that!" he gleefully said as he took a puff of his cigar. Not amused, I simply said, "If anything like this happens again, you'll have to smoke those through your ear" and walked out. Let me tell you, the rest of the semester went smoothly without the hint of a grading error.

Classic Scene:

And the winner is, "the scene where Teaspoon lays the smack down all over Jack Devlin." The scene where Buck took out his revenge was good, but Teaspoon's scene was better acted. I like it when Teaspoon gets serious and down to business. Sure, the idea of Buck getting revenge is cool, but Anthony Zerbe had to put more into making his scene a good one.


This section of the review represents a revamping of the old "What You Think" section. As I always say, my rider reviews are indeed entertainment, but they are also a public service. We should look at the Young Riders in much the same way. Sure, the episodes and characters entertain us, but how have they enriched and dramatically changed our lives? How has a TV show helped form and shape our opinions of the world and the people around us? This section will attempt to answer that question.

Australian Ann: Let's just say that nepotism bites and until lately (i.e. Diane Lane) Josh appears to have really bad taste in women.

JB: I see where Ann's coming from. Nepotism is a fact of life that we all must deal with, and "Daddy's Girl" stands as a firm reminder of that. And I agree about Josh's taste in women. Minnie Driver? Has anyone ever noticed that she looks like Luke Wilson? They have the same over-sized jaw. Josh's father has even worse taste in women. Barbra Streisand??? Unbelievable. But Josh has hooked up with a major babe in Diane Lane, so I've gotta give him credit there.

Cristy Brown: i'd have to say that "daddy's girl" changed my life in one significant way: after watching it, i assumed that since kathleen's daddy was a banker and rich, that all bankers were rich. so i grew up wanting to work in a bank so i too could be rich. now i am a banker and i'm still not rich. i assume this is b/c a) i am not a man, b) this isn't the 1800's, or c) whoever is writing my lifescript is evidently more a third season writer than a first season writer.

however, i am not discouraged. am thinking of opening a brothel and becoming a madam, as 'tyr's' portrayal of this living seems lucrative: get rescued by hunky 'wild bill' lookalikes and wear sultry yet still demure red and black dress type things. i'll let you know how it goes.

JB: *wipes tear from eye* Dare to dream, little one, dare to dream. Some might think that "Daddy's Girl" proved to be a negative influence on Cristy, but she learned something from the experience. Sure, it's the sole reason she chose the career path that she did, but it also taught her to never stop dreaming. If you're not working at a job that you really like then never fear, there's always a chance you could open your own brothel and flirt with guys that look like Josh Brolin. That's a dream that you just can't afford to let go.

Rhi: As for Daddy’s Girl influencing my life, I am sad to say that I remember it making many remarkable influences on my innocent, impressionable childhood. I was filled with awe at the sight of Ike basically forfeiting his place in the race to save the child, realizing that there are more important things in life than rushing straight toward an end result.

JB: Yes, this is true. It's important to also note that this episode showed us that we must not always assume that a bald-headed mute is just some monster who'll make us lose our hair and the ability to speak just by touching us. However, it also taught us that nice guys truly do finish last. It's a sobering truth, but it's one that we should all learn.

Rhi: You mocked this example, but human value can be measured by ponies, a lesson it took me longer to learn than the course of an episode, but still has dramatic effect on my everyday activities. It also taught me to take chances. Why, Buck took an incredible chance there, betting on the value of Kathleen and the wealth of the Indian. But as a result, he impressed the girl, and more importantly, made *me* laugh!

JB: He impressed the girl, but in the end he didn't win the girl's true love. Therefore, I'll have to say that this episode taught ME that in some circumstances it's all right to trade a girl for a few horses. If Buck had done that, then he would've been a wealthy man. Instead, he ended up with nothing except a broken heart that he recovered from by the next episode.

Rhi: And in the end, didn’t we all learn that you could never trust a girl that falls in love with any of the riders? The lesson began with Horse-face Downs but really sinks in here. In the future it is re-affirmed by the death or deceit of all future women (with a few exceptions).

JB: I know it's something that all the viewers learned, it's just sad that the riders didn't learn this lesson as well. It would've saved them all a lot of heartache.

E-I Beth: I suppose it made me try to come up with more ways a woman could earn her way into a man's admiration by beating him at something he was already pretty good at. So when I found a guy I liked, I suddenly got interested in what he was interested in just to beat him to get his attention. Doesn't always work, but sometimes I guess it might ... and then I learned it was better to be equals in a sitch like that than competing to see who's better. So yeah, I s'pose it did change my life.

JB: Beautiful, simply beautiful. This episode also teaches ladies that it isn't recommended that you lie to a guy just to get him to go out on a date with you. If you're a regional equestrian champion and act like you barely know what a horse is then sure, you can probably fool the guy and have him in the palm of your hand. However, as the episode progresses we see that one lie builds upon another for Kathleen and things end up not working out between Buck and the wainch. The moral of this story is, "Don't be a wainch, be honest."

Lindsay: Daddy's Girl changed my life in a way I never would have thought possible. I realized that the Kiowa language is really not all that common, and that changed my life in that I chose Spanish over Kiowa for my foreign language course. And that in itself changed my life because now I can translate the Spanish spoken in Young Riders; because, Kiowa is only spoken a few times in the show along with a billion other Indian languages, and I knew for those occasions I could always rely on Good Johnny Betts' interpretation, no es verdad?

JB: Es muy verdad, Lindsay. I was also stuck at a crossroads in my life once. In high school I had to decide whether I should take Indian sign language or take advanced level math classes. After watching "Daddy's Girl" I realized that Indian sign language really didn't consist of much more than using your fingers to indicate numbers. I decided to take the advanced level math classes and ended up majoring in Electrical Engineering. Who knows where I'd be if I had made the other choice. Probably working at McDonald's sending angry emails to people on the Internet who make fun of fast food employees.

Barb: For the first time in my life I realized that if you fondle a man's knife (or any other object that belongs to said man i.e. Lighter, cigarette, pen, watch, etc.) and stare him in the eyes while sighing about how impressive it is, he will fall hopelessly and madly in love with you, because in his mind you could only possibly be thinking about something other than the knife in your hand. He will be so pleased that you noticed. Needless to say I had many a man hopelessly and madly in love with me after using this "Kathleen Technique."

JB: And it's really a true indictment of how shallow men can be in their thinking. We're never explicitly told that Buck learned from the mistake of falling for the "Kathleen Technique," but we can only hope that he did. I like to believe that Buck realized that a man's worth cannot be measured in the abundance or size of his possessions. And I like to believe that he realized that trying to get some sort of innuendo or double entendre out of what a woman says is risky business at best. Believing to myself that Buck learned these lessons helps me sleep just a little better at night.

Great job ladies, thanks for the input! Together I believe that we can help people all over the world realize what a difference a Young Riders episode can make in today's society!

Next up for review is "Bulldog." Good news -- IT'S A JIMMY EPISODE! BOOYA! Fisher Stevens plays a geek who wants to be just like Jimmy. It's a funny episode, especially the way Jimmy reacts to Bulldog's admiration.

In the immortal words of Rance, "I know about some things that you done things."

And in the even more immortal words of Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp, "You gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?"

This is just my opinion, you could be wrong.
The Sun Sets on The Rider Review
Copyright © 2002 Madlib Productions, All Rights Reserved

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