Volume 1, Issue 1
[ Home | Intro | Articles and Editorials | Email Pranks | The Rider Review | What's Wrong With People? ]

What's wrong with this world?

What's Wrong With Drivers?

Fast Food Workers

People at Airports

Elevator Impatience

What's Wrong With Parents?

Truck Beds Aren't for Trash

Zen Gardens?

Checkout Lines

10 Items or Less

Bookstore Employees

Celebrity Cookware

Get a Job

Garage Sale Deals

What's Wrong With Celebrity Cookware?
By Johnny Betts

This edition of WWWP can also be considered a public service from me to you. If you're planning on getting married any time soon then BE CAREFUL! Believe it or not, there are people out there who love to take advantage of couples getting married. So let me tap the vein of my experience and try to help you future brides (and grooms, if there are actually any guys reading this who care).

My wife and I attended a Bridal Show looking to get our hands on some good deals and some free stuff. We'd fill out the little cards at each booth hoping we'd win something. Lo and behold, a couple of days later we got a call from Celebrity Cookware saying that we were WINNERS! All we had to do was sit through a demonstration about their cookware and in return we'd get a free crystal ring holder, a free camera, free film for life, and free lodging for 3 days and 2 nights at some hotel at some to-be-determined location. Oh, we'd also be getting free food at the demonstration. Sounded pretty good to me.

We sat there for a little more than an hour and listened to the demo woman tell us why we HAD to buy their cookware. Apparently no marriage was complete without their $2400 cookware. In fact, with THEIR expensive cookware, we'd be the Emeril Lagasse of our neighborhood. We decided that $2400 was a bit much for a 20-piece set of pots and pans (even though they were going to throw in a $500 set of 5 kitchen knives for free).

A trip to Wal-Mart afterwards proved that we made a wise decision. We could get everything Celebrity offered for a couple of hundred bucks. Sure, Celebrity has a lifetime warranty (with restrictions mind you), but I doubt we'll be replacing our pots and pans 12 times over the course of our life together.

"What about the free stuff, Johnny? At least you got some cool free stuff out of it, right?" Not so fast.

The free camera? Oh it was a free camera all right. And not just any free camera, it's one of those that looks like a disposable one. But they assured us it wasn't. Ah, all the joy and fun of having a camera that LOOKS like a cheap disposable camera but can actually be used over and over! Retail value is probably $5 at the max. Now the CAMERA was free, you just had to send them $5.49 for shipping and handling. And the free film for life? All you had to do was send them your roll of film, pay for the shipping and handling, and THEN they'd send you another roll of film. So it ends up being cheaper to just buy new film, plus you don't have to worry about your pictures getting lost in the mail.

"But what about the hotel Johnny? Surely that was worth it!" Not so fast.

We haven't redeemed the free hotel coupon yet, but a friend of mine went to the same thing a couple of years before us. They were supposed to have a free room at "the hotel closest to Ramada Inn" in Disney World. Turns out they passed about 5 Ramada's (not Inn's) on the way there. They ended up with a hot pink hotel room with faded green doors in the not-so-nice area of Orlando. Some resort vacation, huh?

"Well, Johnny, you got a free meal out of the deal. At least there's THAT." Not so fast.

After being told we'd get free food by attending the demonstration we decided not to eat supper that night because we were excited about filling our bellies with the dinners we were expecting from the demo. Well, turns out the demo woman was gonna show us how the cookware worked by cooking carrots, potatoes, and two pieces of chicken. I thought, "Hmm, that'll be enough for us, but what about the 10 other couples? What will they eat?" Turns out that my wife and I had to SHARE 4 bites of chicken, two bites of potatoes, and 4 bites of carrots. Oh, and we got a dixie cup full of water.

"Well, you did get a crystal ring holder, right?"

That's true. WE WIN! The Betts -- 1, Celebrity Cookware -- 0 Oh, and to get this "great deal" they were offering you had to make your decision right then. No time to think about it or do any comparison-shopping. WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE????

I'll tell you what's wrong with them. These people know that soon-to-be-married couples are some of the most vulnerable around so they lure them in with offers of "freebies" and then try sell them overly priced cookware. A few couples took the bait. I saw a couple of girls happily signing papers while their fiancés sat there with forlorn looks on their faces mumbling, "I just want her to be happy." Don't fall for the trap ladies, you have been warned.

Copyright © 2002 Madlib Productions, All Rights Reserved

[ Home | Intro | Articles and Editorials | Email Pranks | The Rider Review | What's Wrong With People? ]

Email Johnny with all your feedback