Volume 1, Issue 1
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What's wrong with this world?

What's Wrong With Drivers?

Fast Food Workers

People at Airports

Elevator Impatience

What's Wrong With Parents?

Truck Beds Aren't for Trash

Zen Gardens?

Checkout Lines

10 Items or Less

Bookstore Employees

Celebrity Cookware

Get a Job

Garage Sale Deals

What's Wrong With Drivers?
By Johnny Betts

Can anybody out there give me any sort of clue as to what's wrong with drivers? I'm getting sick and tired of the morons that I have to share the road with. I'm sure I'll have much more to talk about later, but there are three topics I'd like to expand on for now:
  1. The Yield Sign. Does anybody know what this means? If you don't then please read carefully. I'll type slowly so that you can follow along. If ... you ... see ... a ... yield ... sign ... then ... you ... must ... wait ... for ... oncoming ... traffic ... to ... pass ... before ... you ... go. If you're turning or going straight, then you have to wait until traffic is clear. Seems pretty straightforward, right?

    Unfortunately some people can't grasp the concept. They seem to think, "Hey, that's a yield sign and not a stop sign, so I guess I can go!" There's a section on the interstate in Memphis where some traffic exits and yet other traffic enters the interstate. The cars that are entering the interstate are supposed to yield to those of us who are exiting, but that's rarely the case. The other day I went to exit and one person who seemed to be allergic to yielding started shaking his fist at me and mouthing something. What was I supposed to do? Slam on my brakes so he could hurry up and get over? Sorry buddy, but learn to follow the rules. Or if you want to get out of your car and mouth off to me face-to-face then I welcome that with all the eagerness of Rosie O'Donnell at McDonald's during "99 Cent Triple Cheeseburger Week."

  2. Driving in the Rain. Why, oh why, does everybody act like a national tragedy has just struck when it starts to rain while they're driving? The other day it had been raining for about TWO MINUTES when I started home from work. All of a sudden nobody knew how to drive anymore. Whenever it rains, half the drivers immediately slam on their brakes, while the other half speeds up. Nobody knows what to do. It took me AN HOUR AND TEN MINUTES TO GET HOME! It usually takes about 30 minutes. Look people, slow down a little bit and just watch everybody a little bit closer. It's not that hard of a concept to grasp.

  3. People in a Hurry to go Nowhere. This is probably the most entertaining group of drivers to watch. You know the scenario. You're on a regular street. The speed limit is about 40 mph. Most everybody's going about 45. But all of a sudden here comes somebody tooling along at about 60 mph acting like he's late to see the premiere of Josh Brolin's new movie. He'll ride up on your bumper, swerve to the left lane and ride the bumper of the car in front of him, then he'll swerve back into the right lane and get stopped at the red light right in front of you. Good job buddy, you just got nowhere fast. I always chuckle heartily when I have the chance to witness such a spectacle.

  4. Then there's the driver like the guy I witnessed the other day. We were in bumper-to-bumper traffic, but whenever a couple of feet of space would open up, he'd hurry and speed up and then have to immediately slam on his brakes so as not to hit the car in front of him. Seriously, he'd go two feet as fast as he could and then slam on his brakes and end up about 6 inches away from the car in front of him. What's the point of that? Or an even better question is, WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE????
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